polaroid angel - dreamnotfound

˖⋆࿐໋₊ 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯

the room rests in silence. my arms hug a pillow. only the lamp on my nightstand helps disperse the darkness.

it's three am, but i can't sleep. i can't stop thinking about dream. he didn't come into work today as i feared. maybe it's because no shoots were planned with me, but i doubt it. we've been working together so intensively lately.

the day passed in a kind of fog. everything that i used to call normal seemed so lame all of a sudden. coming in at nine, fixing some paperwork, then lunch, then a photoshoot in the afternoon. ever since i met dream none of my work days have looked quite like that. he spiced them up, created an extra element of fun.

it's a little silly how i've become so dependant on him. he's made me feel so many different things, that once he disappears for even a moment the emotions run out of stock. if i could choose, i'd choose to spend every second of every day together with him. to make sure he's happy, healthy and safe. yesterday's shenanigans have really kicked my protective side into action.

i turn over onto my right side, facing the dimmed light. the duvet heats my body nicely, yet i wish someone else could be here heating me up. holding me tight in his arms. telling me stupid stories until i fall asleep. kissing the back of my neck and mumbling about how pretty i am. my dream.

i'm in love, aren't i? i'm falling so hard for him. it's undeniable. this goes beyond just raw sexual attraction. it's very much romantic now as well, i've realized. he's amazing in bed but, that's not all that matters. everything outside of our bedrooms do too.

and that's what scares me. my feelings for him. i don't know if they're reciprocated. sure, we're dating. but that evening on the balcony.. he was vague. he asked me what i wanted us to be. and when i told him i wanted something more, he just accepted it right away. maybe to please me, and not hurt my feelings. who knows if he even wants a relationship. for all i know, he could be in it purely for my body.

our lack of communication is gradually showing more and more. we need to have a serious chat, it's obvious at this point. i need this anxiety to stop reproducing in my head. it's taking a toll on me.

impulsively i reach for my phone, unlocking it and going straight to dream's contact. he's definitely asleep at this hour of the night, but i need to say something. anything.

dream ❤️
__________

me
can't sleep, thinking about you <3

dumb, but he deserves to know. tomorrow i'll fix this, for real. i'll talk to him properly, spill my concerns and true feelings. hopefully we can sort our shit out.

i'm about to turn the light off to give sleep a try again, when my phone suddenly dings.

dream ❤️
i'm thinking about you too <3

i don't even realize that i'm smiling. my heart does backflips inside my chest. there's still hope.

me
we really need to talk tomorrow

there's just a lot of things i
want cleared up

it's making me anxious

dream ❤️
of course we can talk honey

you can talk to me about
anything

me
thank you

i'll try and sleep again but it's
hard when you're not here :(

dream ❤️
omw

me
what???

dream i didn't mean it like that

dream??

dream ❤️
too late

there in ten

me
you're crazy

dream it's three am

hello?????

he's crazy. he's gonna drive here, in the middle of the night, just to be with me? to get me to sleep better? how sweet. it's sweet enough to make my teeth hurt.

it's in moments like these that i'm unbelievably weak for him. they let me forget about all my worries, and all the unanswered questions.

maybe it does more harm than good, though. it distracts me from our problems for a while. they fade away like the green once fall comes, yet deep inside i know they're still there, and need to be dealt with. maybe it's a ploy created by dream to reel me further in. but he wouldn't do that, right?

why don't i trust him? has he ever done something to hurt me? no. he's always here for me. he loves to take care of me. i should stop being so suspicious. but at the same time i need answers. you'll get them tomorrow george, you'll get them tomorrow.

my thoughts shift to more positive ones. i probably look like a mess right now. dream won't mind though, especially since he's coming here just to sleep.

it's nice, being so comfortable around your lover. i could meet him with greasy, tangled hair, unshaven legs and rags for clothes and i'd still feel comfortable. i know he'd think i'm beautiful even then. switching the roles, he could show up looking like an emaciated junkie and i'd still think he's the most gorgeous thing that has ever walked upon this earth.

love is blind, as they say. and personality matters more, after all.

a notification rips me out of my thoughts again.

dream ❤️
knock knock

come open the door bby

i jolt up, my pulse rushing off to distant lands. on my tippy toes i hop out into the hallway, only clad in my underwear. the floor is ice cold under my feet. i can't wait to crawl back under the sheets again, dream keeping me company this time.

the front door unlocks with a click, and there he is. my favorite person in the universe. a great warmth spreads throughout my body just upon seeing him, standing there in the doorway. he smiles at me, and i smile back. after stepping in he grips my chin with his fingers, kissing me longingly. my butterflies awaken from their hibernation.

we don't exchange a single word. it's not needed. dream strips down to his boxers, leaving his wrinkled clothes on a chair. i bring him with me into bed, snuggling up to his body the second our backs hit the mattress. he smells like sweet vanilla and fresh cologne. i leave little kisses on his skin where his heart is located. it beats fast like mine.

my head remains there, listening to his heart as it eventually slows down. he pets my hair soothingly, massaging my scalp from time to time. i sigh contently, shutting my eyes and relaxing against the soft touch. it's not long until i'm drifting off into the best sleep i've had in a while.