TW and A/N: nothing much just periods i guess. ooo and transphobia a little. and dysphoria. also this is a modern day au.
SHIP: trans race (FtM)/spot
race lay there in bed, a groaning mess, because this was by far the worst part of being trans; periods. he rolled over and grabbed one of spots hoodies off the floor and stuffed his tiny frame into it, blond curls included. they fell gently against his forehead, sticking to it a little with some sweat because he was way too hot in the mountain of blankets that surrounded him but there was no way he was leaving his cocoon.
his binder had been hurting for a while because he fell asleep in it last night and hadn't taken it off in what felt like forever. besides, he was already feeling dysphoric enough with his period that he didn't even want his chest to be part of the situation right now. he rolled over so he was face down and scratched under his binder on his back because it was really sore. and then it hit him.
it could've been because of his period, or his past, or his dysphoria, or just a combination of them all, and he just burst out into tears. he didn't feel like a man at all, and he couldn't wait to have his top surgery, but that day felt so far away. 539 more days; he knew the number off by heart because that would be the day spot finally saw him as a man, or at least he thought. he sobbed face-first into his pillow for a good five minutes before rolling over and grabbing the tv remote off the bedside table and putting on dance moms (yes race is a dance moms stan, get over it) and binging the fourth season, his favourite followed closely by the first season.
race fell asleep somewhere around episode 4 and remained there until he was woken up abruptly by the worst cramps he had ever felt. he curled over and clutched his stomach as he cried out for spot, who was still at work, and started crying to himself. the pain was unbearable and he just about managed to roll out of bed and slowly crawled to the bathroom, trying not to puke his guts up on the way there. he just about managed to get to the toilet before throwing up into it, clutching the side of the bathtub as he did. he threw up a few more time, some on the floor, and continued crying, feeling the worst that he had ever felt in his whole life.
spot came home from work about an hour later. he locked the apartment door and then set his keys down on the table they have in the hallway. "babe, i'm home" he called out for race, walking into the kitchen which was where he expected him to be. race wasn't there and he checked the living room and he wasn't there either. he got slightly suspicious but just assumed he'd gone to take a nap.
he made his way to their shared bedroom but again, he found nothing except for a pile of about four different blankets. "racer?... tony?" he asked, incase he was under the blankets, but still no luck. he heard some faint noises coming from down the hall, and he made his way to the bathroom.
the groans got louder and he could hear that race was crying and he got really worried for him. "race?... baby, can i come in?" he asked, knocking on the door softly. race made a slightly louder whimper and spot took that as his cue to enter.
he opened the door and saw his boyfriend clutching the bathtub with his head resting against the rim of it, his knuckles completely white from how hard he was gripping it. spot rushed to him quickly and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. he had some idea of what was going on with him, but race hadn't told him. "when did you start, baby?" he played with his hair gently.
"l-last... night..." he cried softly, clutching over again as another cramp hit him.
"shh, shh, okay... why didn't tell me? you know that the first day is the worst, i would've stayed off work if i knew".
"b-but i didn't... want y-you to miss... miss work b-because of m-me...".
"you need me though... come on, let's get you back to bed, tony" he kissed his head before picking him up bridal style and taking him back to their room.
he placed race down on the bed and crawled on next to him. he grabbed a tissue off their bedside table and wiped some of the vomit off his chin and realised there was on the hoodie too. "can i take this off, because it's dirty?" he asked, pulling at his hoodie slightly.
race nodded, forgetting that he still had his binder on, and allowed spot to take off. he did so and saw that race was still wearing his binder, the skin around it looking really red. "baby... we've talked about this..." he said gently, starting to undo it from the back.
race just looked down, whimpering slightly as spot started to take it off him because the skin was really tender. "i-i'm sorry..." he winced as the binder hurt even more as it was being taken off.
"don't be sorry, just try not to do it again" he looked at how bruised and red his skin was where the binder had been and knew that something else was off. "how long did you have it of for, 'tonio?" but there was no reply. "i won't be mad at you, my love, i just need to know".
he sighed softly before mumbling "since yesterday...".
"racer..." spot sighed gently, grabbing another hoodie out of the closet. "that's not good for you... especially when you're on-".
"don't say it... please...".
"i forgot, sorry... but i'm being serious... even on a normal day, that isn't healthy." he got his most oversized hoodie and the cream that the doctor had given race and brought them back over to the bed. he rubbed the cream over the sores on race's chest and back before slipping the hoodie onto him.
he kissed his forehead and then pulled him into his lap. "feeling better now?" he asked softly, rubbing his back under the hoodie. race nodded and pulled himself closer to spot, wrapping his legs around him. spot giggled a little and held his hands around his waist, kissing his head again.
race wrapped his arms over his shoulders and kissed his neck gently, causing spot to giggle more. "baby... not now..." he laughed gently to himself, rubbing his hands up and down his lovers sides.
he squirmed a little on top of spot, pulling his head back a little. "but spottyyyy..." he whined.
"you need to rest, though...".
"fineeeee, meanie pants".
spot giggled a little and took race off his lap. "i'll go get you some pain killers and then how about we watch some more dance moms?" he asked, referring to the episode that had been left on pause on the tv.
race nodded, "alright fine" he smiled slightly and watched spot leave the room.
