Title: Spring
Author: Victorie5802gal
Chapters: 5
Cover:
The cover fits your story very well. I like how simple it is and the way the title stands out against the dark background. Well done!
Blurb:
The blurb sets up the plot of the story extremely well. There are a ton of great aspects to it. There are a few things I would suggest, like tweaking some of the wording to cut down on some of the length. The last paragraph talks about the crush and gaining a pest/stalker. I think if you shuffled some words around it could be a great "hook" line for the book to give you more impact.
Plot:
I really liked the plot idea of Yuuma coming to the rescue of Rei only to find out Rei wasn't really all that interested in his help. Yuuma's fascination with Rei was definitely portrayed in the pestering-stalkerish way mentioned in the blurb. The addition of the common Japanese words was really a cool aspect to give it the feel you were looking for. Overall, I thought the plot was solid and believable to your reader.
Character Development:
Yuuma was a fascinating character. He was protective, silly, and unusually awkward around Rei. I liked the clumsiness when he lied about being a reader and came up with a random book he said he had read. I enjoyed the scene when his Mom showed him what was inside the book. He had the classic reaction I would expect any guy his age to have.
Pacing/Flow:
The story moved well. The dialogue fits in at the right spots. The paragraphs were a good length as well. There were a few times where I would recommend breaking up the longer sentences with multiple commas. I think that will make the paragraphs flow a little better when you add in a couple of hard stops to the sentences.
Grammar/Structure:
There were a few punctuation items that could be corrected along with a few minor plural/singular issues. Your tenses were good and you stayed in your 3rd person POV well which a lot of writers struggle with.
