my brothers girlfriend

do you love him?

THIRTEEN - JENNIE

Lisa's holding me as if I'm hers when I wake in the early hours in the early hours of the next morning. I gently slip out of her arms and roll onto my stomach to face her, my nose pressing into the pillow and finding her lingering smell. 

My throat tightens at unwanted recallings and I'm tempted to wake Lisa to distract me from them, but she looks so blissful and perfect. Even if her mouth is hanging open and her arms are thrown haphazardly, as if tempting me back into them.  

My wandering hand draws against the crumpled sheets until it finds my shirt. I pull it on without moving from my position, not wanting to disturb Lisa, but she looks like she's sleeping deeply. I try to keep them open so I can bask in this moment for as long as I can, but my eyes are growing heavy. Before I can drift off I shuffle closer to Lisa. Within reach of her arms, should she choose to stretch out and hold me again, but not close enough that I can feel her body pressed against mine. Her body warmth radiates and engulfs me regardless and I contentedly slip into sleep. 

In my dreams, I wake up in bed with Kai. Except, we're not in his bed nor mine. We're in Lisa's bed, but when I look around for her I don't see her. Kai's talking, but my subconscious doesn't make out what he's saying, I'm too busy trying to work out what the hell is happening, not yet aware that I'm dreaming. 

Before I can figure it out, the door is thrown open and Kai's the one standing in the doorway with his nose upturned in a sour expression. At first, I'm not sure why. But when I turn to the Kai in my bed, I realise. Because I'm no longer in bed with Kai, I'm with Lisa, and she looks anything but remorseful.

But still, we were lying there innocently, so Kai's intrusion was still unclear and even more so when his parents walk in behind him. With them all wearing the same accusing expression, it felt as though I was in bed naked with Lisa. 

Feeling overwhelmingly guilty, I make a move to get out of bed, but before I can even throw the sheets off me, Lisa has pounced. She sits atop me and shields me from the view of her parents, laying me down whilst she holds me. But I couldn't so easily forget that we were being watched, so I protest. 

At first, it's just a gentle call of her name coaxing her to let me up. But she doesn't, so I try to push her off me instead. When I realise that she's immovable, I begin to thrash against her. I kick and push but she's relentless, all the while telling me to stop moving. 

Then I wake and realise that I was in bed with Lisa and she was holding me and I was hitting her. 

"Jennie!" She yells out, grabbing hold of my arms and pinning them against my body to refrain me. 

I come to my senses fairly quickly, taking in my reality, although, my subconscious realm did not dissipate entirely, with intense feelings of guilt and shame pounding against my chest. 

"Are you okay?" She asks, brown doe eyes wide with concern. 

"Mm-hmm," I nod in a way that I hope is reassuring. "Bad dream."

"About what?"

I bite my lip in response. I didn't want to ruin the morning further. Lisa gets the hint and drops it immediately. She drops her head back onto her side of the bed whilst she faces me, her eyes still wide but now with excitement. 

"Soo," I see how she bites the inside of her lip to prevent them from giving her away, but it's no use. A wide grin spreads across her face a moment later. It's infectious, and she smiles wider when I return it before giggling like a schoolgirl. Her laughter dies down as her gaze intensifies and she becomes more serious. 

The ringing of my phone takes us both by surprise. 

Was I supposed to ignore it? Should I decline the call or awkwardly wait until it went to voicemail? I felt like whatever I chose, Lisa was watching me disapprovingly and would express distaste at the fact that he was calling me alone.