my brothers girlfriend

trust me

TWENTY-FOUR - LISA

The next day, after spending the night clinging to Jennie like a lifeline in a raging storm, I forced myself to leave her side and go back home. As much as I craved to spend every second with her I could, I knew it would be better to leave because, with circumstances as they were right now, Jennie and I interacting was the raging storm waiting to happen.

I'm not happy when I run into Kai in the kitchen, but compared to the last time I was around him, my anger manifested itself differently this time. Instead of jealousy and resentment, I felt nothing but smugness knowing what he didn't. I'm not proud to admit I didn't feel an ounce of sympathy. Maybe pity, but that's very different.

I know I'm in the wrong but I'm not the greatest at concealing or controlling my emotions, no matter how invalid they are. 

He's utterly clueless, greeting me with an annoying ruffle of my hair and humming a tune as he bit into an apple. 

"Kai," I say through gritted teeth to disguise my disgust. 'Are you seeing Jennie today?' I ask innocently, despite already knowing the answer.

'No, not today, she's spending the day with her friends.'

'Speaking of Jennie, are you still planning on proposing?'

'Of course, my feelings haven't changed since last night.'

'When do you think you'll do it?'

'I'm not sure yet. Not for another six months at least. Maybe I'll do it on our one-year anniversary, but we'll see how it goes."

"You mean, how you and Jennie go?"

He scrunches his face and shakes his head. "No, I'm not worried about that. I just mean a proposal takes a lot of thought and planning. I want to make it special for her. For both of us."

I refrain from throwing up in his face. 

"Well, don't put too much energy into it. You never know what may happen..."

He scowls again. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," I quickly say. "I just mean, does Jennie even want to get married so young? She doesn't seem like the type."

His face relaxes and he chuckles. "Don't worry about that, Lisa. You and Jennie may be friends but I know what I'm doing." 

His patronising tone makes me want to punch him in the face. The implication that he knows Jennie better than I do makes my blood boil, but when I think about it some more, I can't help but pity him even more. The poor fool.

"You're right! I'm sure everything's gonna work out perfectly for you. See ya!"

I turn and leave the kitchen before he can see the smugness on my face or get another word out. With a spring in my step, I skip to my room and jump on my bed to call the girl Kai was planning his future with.

"Hey baby," she answers sweetly.

"I just spoke to Kai."

"Oh.." there's a brief pause in her words. "About what?"

"About you, what else?"

"That's not like you. You usually avoid him at all costs."

"Yeah, well we live under the same roof so that's not a viable option all the time."

"Okay, well... Anything I should know."

"Hmm, no. Nothing you don't already know. He's grossly in love with you. Plans on marrying you after a year. Still no clue you're getting naked for me every night."

"Lisa!" She scolds. "He's still your brother and none of this is his fault. He doesn't deserve this, remember that."

'That's on you Jennie, for taking so long to end it with him, knowing full well you wanted me more. Any bitter feelings I'm having towards Kai are because of you and your inability to break things off with him. In fact, you should just be glad that I'm feeling this way towards him and not you. Because you're right, he doesn't deserve it, but you do.'

I didn't give her a chance to respond, I ended the call after I spat my cruel words. Something about arguing with Jennie made my entire body vibrate with energy. I didn't know if it was excitement or contrite but the feeling was addicting. Especially when it usually ended up with us both hate fucking the shit out of each other.

But it wasn't just that. I didn't start arguments out of the blue. I knew Kai was the main oblivious instigator. On this particular occasion, I think a part of me was annoyed at her for reminding me that Kai was my brother and her saying what she said showed that she cared about him more than I did and that I should feel guilty for this, but I just didn't anymore.

She was going to stop being his girlfriend, but after that, I would still be there to witness his heartbreak and I would still be his sister, and that was one of the worst parts.  Jennie wouldn't be cheating on Kai anymore, but I would continue deceiving him.

But the worst thing was I didn't care enough to stop it.

My phone buzzed soon after I had cut the call and I knew I was in trouble when I saw the length of the message.

jennie- seriously, cutting me off before i can even defend myself? your head is so far up your own arse that you can't even see straight. yeah, I get it, kai's your brother and you're on some messed-up power trip, so you think you can take it out on me. but guess what? you're not the only one dealing with emotions here. you want to play dirty? fine. but don't think for a second that your twisted words are gonna make me feel guilty. you're just as deep in this as I am, maybe even deeper. so save your little guilt trip for someone who cares. oh, i know, i should've broken it off with him. spare me that too. it's not that easy. he's not just some pawn. he's a decent guy. I didn't want to tear his world apart. and guess what? i still don't. but i'll do it. you know why? because I've got this twisted notion that being with you is worth all this chaos. but let's get this straight; i've never fed you lies. i put everything on the table from the start. remember that? i told you straight up how i felt about him. and when you threw your ultimatum at me, i caved. i said i'd ditch him for you. i meant it then, and i mean it now. but I can't keep doing this spiteful back and forth with you. it's draining me. i don't want to see you until after it's done. don't call me back if you're just gonna yell at me.

I read the message over and over again, making sure to soak up every piece of information, I couldn't deny that she was right, but not seeing her until after it was triggered my anxiety. So much could happen between now and then.

me- i want to see you before

jennie- is that the only thing you got from that text?

me- no jen, I read all of it, and I know you're right, and I'm sorry. but I don't think I can wait up until after to see you, so much can change between now and then.'

jennie- i know you're probably worried about me changing my mind but I need you to trust me lis. have some faith in me. i'm seeing kai next on friday. I'll see you friday night.

me- jennie please

jennie- i'll think about it, but for now, we need to take our mind off it or we'll just keep going in circles. i'll speak to you later.

I knew Jennie wouldn't respond to me now. I have no choice but to take her advice by taking a cool shower and going out with some friends to distract my mind.