Strange Yarns

Hilltop's Chamber of Commerce's Visitors Brochure Proposal

Hilltop's Chamber of Commerce's Visitors Brochure Proposal 

Document found and transcribed by Deputy Christine Hargrove.

Officer's notes: Original text typed on Chamber of Commerce letterhead.

Italics transcribed from handwritten notes in margins by Mayor Dennis Markham.

Document begins:

Welcome To Hilltop

A Town You'll Never Leave.

--Hey Gang! Markham here. Just a couple quick thoughts from your good ol' mayor as I give this my first read. I'm sure you'll find my suggestions helpful. Let's make this the BEST BROCHURE EVER!!! Quick thought: Just spit-balling... but is "A town you'll never leave." a bit too... aggressive? Aggressive is the wrong word... ominous. Of course I would never imply that you fine guys and gals at the Chamber of Commerce would purposefully be ominous. Anywho, I know we agreed changes would need to be made, but what's wrong with the town's old motto, "It's Nice Here"? I think it says it all. Maybe you guys can cook up something better than nice... Quick Thought: "It's Great Here?!" Hey! Look at your ol' mayor. I should have gotten into the brochure writing game years ago! Okay... I'll keep reading and chime in at the end.  

In 1792 our town's founder William Cumquat Hilltop famously declared, "None shall ever leave this place." Most believed he was referring to the natural beauty and quite peace this land offered.

--I know I said I'd chime in at the end, but I have to say I LOVE THE PART ABOUT THE NATURAL BEAUTY! But again, just shooting some ideas from the old noggin, maybe we could start with a Welcome Message from me, the mayor. The History angle is great. I love HISTORY! As you know I voted in favor of funding the repolishing of the W.C Hilltop statue. BUT, his famous first line... again... pretty aggressive. As the kids say "Creepy".

--Also with the unfortunate amount of disappearances and tragedies that have befallen our town of late: The murder of the Sheriff's daughter on the dam, the murder suicide at the high school play, the giant fox attacks, the Gellman boy disappearing from The Snowy Valley B&B, those dead clowns, that film crew disappearing, amongst so many others, perhaps it's best not to mention our infamous founder at all! I'll just keep reading... The mayor is going to zip up his mouth-thing and get his peepers reading. Again... LOVED the part about the natural beauty... really great! 

Hilltop has much to offer new businesses and provides a wholesome environment for new families.

--YES! YES! YES! LOVE IT!  This is right on message. Much better than quoting our infamous founder. Quick Thought: Maybe a little more on our newly restored Pantages Theatre, or the historic Ivory Arms Hotel, or a section devoted to our amazing ski trails? Whadya think?

We're sure you'll love the abundant natural splendor of our fresh rivers, forested mountains, and breathtaking Canadian Shield. Hilltop is the place you're going to remain.

--Great stuff here. Does "Remain" make you guys think of graveyards? You know... remains. WHOA! QUICK THOUGHT ALERT! What about "You're going to prosper here!"?  Hey, you guys should hire me! Seriously, I don't mind writing this brochure if you want to give the old Mayorareeno a shot. HA! Look at me, campaigning already! Just joshing with you! Eyes to the page! No more interruptions... that's a promise from me to you.

--Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Quick question: They'll be lots of pictures right?

After the smallpox outbreak in Muddy York (now Toronto), Captain William Cumquat Hilltop and his religious advisor and fox enthusiast Meriwether Cardine made a formal request to the British Crown for investments to seek gold in what was then Northern Upper Canada. The crown had no way of knowing that the true purpose was a holy quest to discover the Fountain of Youth. Aboriginal mystics believed immortality could be bequeathed by THE GREAT OLD ONE that slept beneath what is now known as Mount Follyflower. Mount Follyflower is one of the many foothills that hug our town. The hiking trails in autumn are quite the delight.