Tonight i asked him a question, something i just kinda thought of.
"What am i to you? " i said, over the phone during one of our fights.
He answered with a sigh, "You're my girlfriend."
"And what does that mean? What exactly does it mean to be your girlfriend?" i said trying to hold back my tears.
"I don't know. Someone to be treated as a princess, someone i shouldn't hurt, someone i should make happy." he said as though it was the most difficult thing he could get out from him.
"that's all? " i asked. Somehow expecting more. Silly me.
"yeah, i know that's what you wanted. To be treated as a princess." he said as if sneering at the word 'princess'.
And at that i lost it.
I could not hold back my tears. What hurt me wasn't the fact that he was simply stating what he should do in our relationship, nor the fact that he really didn't have an answer to it. What hurt me most is the way he used the words 'to be' somehow all that makes it look like he is being forced to do just that instead of him doing it because he wants to.
Heck i don't even wanna be treated like a princess. I never asked you what you should do or what you ought to do to a 'girlfriend' i want something more personal than that.
So despite the tears i asked him, "do you wanna know what you are to me? " and I'm sure as hell wouldn't say he's my prince.
From the other line i heard him grunt, "okay what am i to you? " he said.
I paised a little. I had to stiffle in my tears or I'd give away the hurt that i feel.
My voice a little shaky i managed to say,
"You are more than being a boyfriend to me.
You are part of my life.
Someone i want to share every detail about my life with. Someone i would share my happiness, my sorrows. Someone who should be present in every event in my life and that's exactly what I'm doing to you i am making you a part of everything i am.
I want you to be with me in all of this. This life."
And it was then that i knew, just how little i am to him. It was then that i realized that how he feels for me is far more different than what i feel for him.
And one thing about relationships, it does not do good when one loves the other more than the other loves him. It will end tragically, it will end in pain and disaster.
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my heartaches
Randomall about the pains of loving him. one thing you should know, loving a person is not easy. it's painful, it destroys, it devours and it kills you slowly from the inside. and this is not a story of woe but a story of pain, or getting hurt, of getting...
