supercorp - too tired

sorry to my home

She should be happy , she is .

they just defeated lex , the big bad monster that became something so close to her shadow , that became the boogeyman that haunted her everytime she closed her eyes , the one that proved to her that she was a villain and no it wasn't by words like what supergirl once did because that can be forgotten but no , this time he proved it by her own actions , she was just like him trying to mind control everyone .

sure she was hurt , so hurt .

Her vision became blurry and misguided but wasn't that just what happened to him too ? the only difference was that he was strong enough to not let anyone manipulate him , so yeah she was just a little too weak and emotionally tired .

yeah ,she should be happy that he died but he was still her brother and that pain was tolerable but the constant fear that he would somehow come back just like last time would turn her crazy .

Kara and the other heros reassured her that he wouldn't and that there is no other crisis that needed the so called "paragon of truth" but wasn't she just a part of him that was left , shouldn't she be gone too ?

She was so deep in thoughts that maybe kara called a couple of times before she heard her .

"Lena , I know it's hard now but would you like to come to game night, andrea is coming too . Just know , we're here for you ...... always " the hero looked at her with so much love and sincerity , it made her feel disgusted by herself.

"I will think about it kara , thank you " her smile was small but it was honest because she was more than thankful for having someone as wonderful as kara .

"See you later , maybe ?"

"Yeah , bye "

But she wouldn't go she had other plans tonight .

Before starting her mission , she took time to think about everything and everyone From beginning to end .

A kid that just learned how to count saw her whole world drown and what did she do ? She watched . Wasn't she the one to blame .

4 was her age when she was brought to the Luthor mansion a kid so small entering such a lavish massive house , it was way too similar to when a character in some horror movie entered a cabin where a serial killer hid but it was somehow worse because someone in that scenario would either run away or get killed but she , well she saw a part of her little self die everyday in front of her eyes and she couldn't do anything .

15 when she met andrea , just a little ray of sunshine that was enough to give her a reason to wake up every day.

16 when she lost her father due to cancer , the only kinda good parent that she lost sight of whenever got too drunk .

18 when she met Jack , the moon to her darkened night .

19 when her brother turned from a brilliant man to a monster and that was when her light was a little harder to detect.

20 when she found out that her sun was stolen away from her like it never existed so she gave up her hope for both the sun and the moon .

The same year she met a special someone , her name was kara her light was so bright that lena felt a little like she was using this ray of sunshine to guide her through her dark road .

21 when her hero 'supergirl' became a disappointment more than a way to seek hope but she still had kara who was more than enough .

2 years ago when it all went downhill , when she couldn't differentiate the reality from fantasy , truths from lies .

When all her chosen family didn't trust her , when she lost sight of who she was once again and it all started with the same person's name that was written in all her diaries: her brother .

But then she fought , she fought back loud this time . Even if she couldn't quite figure out whether she was a hero or a villain but at least she could make up for her mistakes .

She was shocked to say at least , that kara excepted her apology (not that she deserved it) and more for the fact that the superfriends welcomed her back with open arms and even showed how much they missed her, and that her and andrea after all these years were just as close as they used to be , and also for the fact that Lillian chose to be on her side after she had her memories back , she was thankful .

But , you see she didn't deserve any of it .

Even though they said she did and believed that she herself was good and that they trusted her .

She wasn't worth of that trust .

So now it is time for her mission , the bottle of medications would be enough but before it all ended she wanted to write a small thing :

"Thank you everyone , specially you kara but I'm sorry . At least now you won't have to fight another Luthor "

Those were her last words pathetic her brother would say but she wouldn't care , she couldn't bring herself to care anymore she is way too tired if it was to take over the company or bring the Luthor name to light again she wouldn't care . She tried once and it was for nothing so why be so insane .

She forced herself to take the pills , maybe it would take some time for the effects but it certainly won't take as long as the thirty years of hell she lived .

Her vision started to get blurry and it became hard to breathe , so that the end she thought to herself and smiled a little , sad but she smiled .

But before she was gone completely she heard a voice , was it an angel (she never believed those things) ? But it sounded familiar but why was it so far ?

It got clearer a bit and then she recognized the voice , kara.

"Lena , lena please stay with me I can't lose you . I just got you back , please I love you "

And then it all disappeared , was it just a beautiful dream before a dreamless infinity ?

She opened her eyes a little too fast that the lights could've blinded her, where was she ? Heaven ?? Or maybe hell ?

Before she could think she heard someone let out a loud breath .

" Kara ? "

" lena , oh my Rao . You scared me to death . I thought I lost you forever , it was so similar to seeing my world explode but thank rao this time I was able to do something , I felt so powerless lena seeing your body so still and I... i couldn't do anything "

It was now kara who was holding her hand crying and shaken , Then she looked up .

" WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ?! you have no right to do this to me , to all of us . You scared the shit out of us . You made us so scared and feel so clueless and helpless .

DON'T YOU EVER DARE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN . "

If there was words to say she couldn't quite figure them out , so she opened her arms and kara didn't think twice before throwing herself into the hug , it was a long tight hug just to remind the other of how much they meant to them and before letting go , kara spoke but it was hardly above a whisper

" whatever it is , we'll figure it out together. Just don't leave me , I love you "

" I will never leave you again I promise and I love you too "

Kara looked up and smiled , they didn't need to do anything else or talk anymore words , so both did nothing but tightened their grip around their own hero .

"Always" they said together .