Spencer Reid Took My Life

eighteen. I'll be better

Authors note✨
First I wanna say thank y'all sm for reading!!
Second I wanna preface this chapter by saying what goes on in this is NOT OKAY in a healthy relationship. This is not what it should be like and if someone treats you like this, please reach out to someone or do your best to get out and leave. My dms are always a safe place to talk!

Please do not think I take addiction lightly, or for entertainment purposes. It is a serious disease, one that runs in my family and I already see myself struggling with. I don't think Spencer's drug problem was a joke, but I do think it deserved to be further explored because it is real. It does affect you. It does affect your relationships and other people besides who is addicted and it is life long. I am taking this seriously please know that. 

Also, I have 5k reads, this is so insane, thank you!

TW: Emotional/Mental Abuse, some physical violence, Drug use

That night you couldn't sleep. You couldn't even form a coherent thought. Just words racing through your head. You sat on the floor, just rolling the empty vials in your hand. Other than that your whole body remained still. So many feelings you had just become numb. You couldn't work your way through a single one of them. You stayed there until 5 am when Spencer's door opened.

Your head whipped up and you quickly made your way to your gun. And then a very familiar mop of hair walked through the bedroom door. You lowered your weapon and set it to the side. Calmly you picked up his little box of secrets and handed it to him.

" Why?" That was all you said as you went and sat on the edge of his bed. He followed suit.

" I don't know. I- I don't know." He gently sifted through the box of empties. Fingers fumbling in your lap you sigh.

"No, give me a real answer. I deserve a real answer." Your voice is gentle. The words barely coming out. 

" I tried to stop, and I kept finding reasons to excuse it. And then I was in so deep, I just accepted it." He turned his body slightly away from you, unable to look at you.

" Why didn't you say something? Why didn't you want to tell me? I wouldn't of left, I wouldn't have judged you. You know that, or you should." You turned your head to look at him, holding a strong gaze until he finally looked into your eyes. 

"Y/n, I know I could of. But if I didn't, then it was like it wasn't true. I could pretend to be better. And to be honest, I didn't want to be." You saw a small quiver in his lip. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to hurt you." Spencer's eyes began to water. 

"Spencer I need you to be honest with me. There's a lot of things I want to know, and I'm unwilling to accept anything but the truth." He nods. You start your list of questions.

" Have you been using our whole relationship?"

"Pretty much."

"Did you ever go to meetings when you said you were?"

" A couple, and then I ran into my old dealer. And then I was lying to you."

" When you're mean to me, is that sober or high?"

" Both. I've said things when I was wanting to, you know. And when I'm crashing."

" When we have happy moments? Like our date?"

"High, when I wanted things at their best, I would shoot up first, and sneak away to do it sooner than usual to keep the blissful high"

At this point, you both have tears running down your face.