Reincarnation to the Past

Chapter 40

Li Yǔ POV

We strolled through the market for a while, chatting. Lì tried to explain the currency of this time but honestly, everything he said just went over my head and I had to beg him to stop talking. We switched topics and talked about random stuff, answering questions that popped up. He bought something called 'Tanghulu' (candied fruit), one for each of us, including Mael (who struggled to hold the thin stick in his paws, resulting in me holding it for him), which was pretty yummy.

"So who are you closer to?" Dad or mom?" I inquired curiously as I noticed a strange look cross his face. Mael pawed at my cheeks as I subconsciously moved my hand down and the treat away from the dragon.

"I was close to my mom; she's dead now..." he responded in a sad tone, to which I, without thinking, pinched his arm. "Ouch!" he exclaimed in pain as he rubbed the area. "What was that for?"

"Samesies!!! My mom is dead too." I couldn't help feeling a bit embarrassed by my action but I masked it in an innocent tone.

"Which prompted you to pinch me? Why?" His eyebrow was raised, although his mouth curled into an amused smile. So I guess they don't know what samesies is. Good thing I didn't say anything about Jinx or owing me a soda. He'd actually start to think I was crazy! I tried one of those fake giggles I'd seen the Aphrodite girls do to get away with stuff they did, to which he shook his head and rolled his eyes, still amused but thankfully changing the topic.

"Did you have any trouble when you reached home???", Lì asked in a slightly worried tone as Mael flew over to his shoulder and took nibbles of his candy, after having finished his own and the remaining of mine (without me even noticing). Lì scratched Mael's neck while letting him have the candy...

"Na... They didn't even know I was gone... Although they did cause some problems after I came back...", I started with a sigh, "I had gotten them to get off my back for a while but it didn't last for long."

"What happened???", he probed in a tone laced with worry.

"They tried to feed me trash... Stale bread, soup that released a foul smell, meat, and vegetables that had gone bad I noticed a dark look had crossed Lì's face as I explained what had happened: "So I forced the head chef to eat it and when she tried to back talk, I left a nasty whip mark across her face, and after that, she didn't do it again." I finished as though it was someone else's story that I was narrating. I stared straight ahead and didn't look at his face. Mael, empathizing with my feelings, flew back onto my shoulder and nuzzled against my neck, offering comfort.

"It was nauseating, wasn't it?" Lì spoke after a few minutes of awkward silence. He took my hand in his while staring straight ahead.

"The food??? Yup, it was." I knew that was not what he had meant but I tried to play it off. Unfortunately, it didn't work since he squeezed my palm and opened his mouth. "You know what I meant..."

I sighed. "I've never really harmed a human before, much less killed one... Those assassins were my first, and I kept saying to myself that if I didn't kill them, then I'd die, but still, they were humans... It's different when killing a human. And just watching that cook beg and plead made me feel so sick and disgusted with myself that I was capable of doing such a thing," I admit softly, slowly lifting my free hand and staring at my palm, sadly. "But I can't stop... Because if I did, then she (Percy meant the real Y, but disguised it with the mother)... mother would have suffered in vain."

"It's not your fault... Some humans are worse than animals or monsters, so you should just see them as such", he said, trying to comfort me. I remembered how he had told me that he too was thrown into the battlefield at a young age. He must have killed his first human before he was even ten, whereas, mentally, I am twenty-three, although until a few months ago, I'd never even so much as slapped a human.

I lowered my face. "What if I turn up like one of those monsters?" That was what had been haunting me all this time. What if I get used to killing humans so much that this disgust will disappear? Once the disgust disappears, how would I be any different from the monsters who feel nothing when torturing or killing?

Lì (confidently): You won't...

Me (looking up at him): How can you be so sure?

Lì (smiling): As long as I'm there, I won't let you...

'As long as I'm there...', I couldn't help but give a small smile as I wondered how long that would be. If my own father, best friends, and girlfriend could abandon me so easily after everything we'd been through, how could he be any different? Out of the million people who I had standing by my side, now there are only three remaining on whom I can rely: Sister Hestia, Cousin Hephaestus, and Uncle Hades. So after all that, how can I ever trust Lì's words to be anything more than empty promises???

Me (sympathetically): It must have been worse for you, right? You were just seven when you were thrown into war...

Lì (smiling): You remembered... But I wasn't alone... I had Bai Ze, though he was useless in the fighting part and Bai Zou... I found Shadow a few years later. I had a mother too. The whole time there, I kept thinking that I'd have to endure so that I could return to her. But she died before I got back (sadly)... What about you? What was your first non-human kill?

I smile fondly at the memory: "I was twelve... I had been cornered by a... huge animal who wanted to kill me, and I was pretty sure I was going to die at that time. But then my teacher just rolled in and threw me a pe... a sword, saying, 'What ho!!!' Although I thought he was crazy, what did he expect me to do with a sword when I've not so much as touched one in my life? But when that bat attacked me, my body kind of moved on its own and before I knew it, that old bat was dead.

Lì (shaking his head while smiling): I have so many questions... But let's stop this serious and morbid talk and do something fun instead.