To love a flower ~ Roger Taylor

Chapter 13

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

"Freddie, I'm really not in the mood to discuss this whole-"
"Please just hear me out," Freddie cut her off.

Renée sighed. It seemed to be important to him, and she couldn't deny that she was a little bit curious.

"Fine," she gave in, and Freddie breathed out, eyes darting across the room. Finally, he opened his mouth and began talking.

"So, yesterday evening, Mary talked to me about the...situation going on between you and Roger. Roger himself didn't tell me a damn thing about it, kept his mouth shut.

So anyway, what you need to know, is that Linda is indeed his ex.
They began dating about three years ago."

Renée nodded, lightly pulling at the tips of her hair, eager to hear more.
"After some time though, it became clear that Linda wasn't the pretty innocent girl she seemed to be.

Roger found her cheating on him last year. And from what he could tell when he found out, it wasn't the first time she'd done it.

And well since then, it became difficult for him to be in a normal relationship again. Although he would never admit that himself, but it's become quite obvious."

Renée's eyes widened as she realized what Freddie was telling her. He got cheated on.

It took her a few seconds to process all of this before a thought entered her head.
Maybe, it wasn't all his fault. But why would Linda still call him then?

"She still calls. Rog doesn't like to talk much about it, but we notice when we hang out at his apartment and he naturally ignores the phone when it rings at a certain time."

Freddie went on, talking about how although that Linda cheated on Roger, she still tried everything to get him back, but Renée wasn't listening properly anymore.

"It wasn't his fault," she muttered to herself. "What?" Freddie asked. "It wasn't his fault," she said louder, looking up from the floor.
"Well, that's what I've been trying to tell you."

"But what am I going to do now?" Renée asked no one in particular, frowning. She felt overwhelmed by all the information coming through.

"You've got to figure that out on your own, dear," Freddie replied.
It was quiet for a few seconds until Renée said: "You should go downstairs now."

He nodded and walked over to the door. "And Freddie? Thank you," she added, earning a smile from him. "Of course. Won't you join me?"

"Oh, I think I need some time alone right now." Freddie nodded before walking out the door, leaving Renée alone with her thoughts.

It was difficult to describe her feelings at the moment. Like a sense of relief, mixed with new worries filling her head.

Would Roger forgive her? Would everything go back to normal?
And most importantly: did she even want things with Roger to go back to how they were?

Renée was pretty sure that she could answer the latter with a yes. Under all the anger and hurt, she had still missed Roger. Their late-night conversations, his flirty comments...

Even just seeing his smile or feeling his touch caused her heart to make somersaults.

Renée sat on top of the desk and let her legs dangle while she thought back to the fun times they've had, a sad smile forming on her lips as she realised that she might never get those moments back.

She hadn't been into someone like this since...well, she had never liked someone this much before.

She wanted nothing more than just forget that all of this ever happened, but that wouldn't be possible.

Renée knew that she had hurt Roger by not trusting him, and she hated herself for it. She just needed to figure out what to do next.

The right thing to do would, of course, be to apologise to him and explain why she was upset. And she couldn't help but feel a wave of embarrassment hit her as she thought over everything she had said to Roger. But this was her only chance to get it right.

Sighing, she jumped off of the desk and grabbed her bag. A glance on the clock told her that the official appointment was already over. Well then, she'd talk to him tomorrow, when she knew exactly what to say.

Renée pushed the heavy door open and stepped outside. Thinking about it now, she was quite curious about how it went in the studio and decided that she would call Freddie tonight so he could tell her.

As she walked around the corner, she smelled smoke. Roger stood against the wall, taking a drag from his cigarette. Renée stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him.

This could be her chance. But actually standing in front of him and trying not to freak out was harder than she thought it would be.

Trying to remain calm, Renée sighed and looked up. Roger stared back at her, a blank look on his face.

"Hi," she blurted out, not knowing what she would say next. He answered a brief "Hello;" blowing out a small cloud of smoke as he did.

She searched for words and felt her palms getting sweaty, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in her stomach.

Just as he was about to turn around, she held him back. "Roger, wait!" Roger looked at her, almost annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I...it's just," she stammered, looking down at her feet.

"The morning I was at your place, Linda called. From what she said it sounded like you two had something going on, and the thought that I didn't mean anything to you hurt me so much.

I let myself jump to conclusions, and I know I shouldn't have let it get to me, but I had to think of what Joanne told me. I believed that what she said was true.

It was stupid of me, and I know I hurt you. I'm really sorry Roger."
Once again, tears were in her eyes, and she hated it, she was tired of crying all the damn time. As she was talking, Roger's blank expression eased up into a much softer one.

No one said anything for the next few moments, leaving Renée more and more anxious by the second. Finally, Roger threw his cigarette to the floor and looked back up at her.

"I'm sorry too. I should have told you about Linda." His words sounded soft, yet so determined, and Renée felt her heart flutter as she realised that he was apologising to her too.

"You don't need to be sorry, I should've trusted you."
"Who am I to expect that from you?" His answer came like a shot.

For a second Renée didn't know what to respond, but then, she hesitantly took Roger's hand and looked into his eyes, feeling her cheeks burn while doing so.

"Don't say that."
Roger looked down at his hand in hers, looked at Renée and smiled.

Before they could continue to say anything, the two heard the studio door shut and footsteps on the sidewalk.

"Come on Rog, we're leaving," said Brian as he walked around the corner, only noticing the situation when he came to a stop in front of them.

He looked from Roger to Renée, and back. "Sorry, did I...interrupt anything?" he asked. Roger quickly let go of Renée's hand and cleared his throat.

"Uhm no, I was just about to go anyway." Brian raised his eyebrows, but then took the keys to the van out of his pocket before walking away.
Just then, Freddie and John walked through the door.

When he saw the two standing there, Freddie smiled a cheeky smile before saying: "Thanks for making this appointment Renée, it means a lot." "You're welcome."

Renée drove home that afternoon with the windows down and the radio volume turned up. Finally making up with Roger gave her a rush, and she loved it.