Tiger. Stripes

I didn't hear them at first, I was paying attention to the lecture on calculus.

But somehow, over my occupied thoughts, I was able to make out the snickers from behind me--the constant pleas for their friends to join in and get a "better look".

And I knew... I knew what they were laughing at..

I knew, and I couldn't go back in time to where I chose this outfit this morning. I remember smiling at myself in the morror because I actually thought that I looked really pretty with my black crop top sweater and blue ripped jeans. Suddenly, I wasn't so sure anymore. This realization made my heart drop, made my skin grow cold and taunt with heavy bumps forming along the surface. The tips of my ears burned and a my mind was faced with mental stumps..

I couldn't work... Couldn't think..

Not when they were laughing.

At me.

While the giggling behind me grew louder and the whispers continued, I tried to focus on the lecture. I tried to force myself not to care, not to fidgit in my chair or adjust my pants, to silence my hands that screamed and ached to pull up the dip where my lower back peaked to the world because I didn't wear a belt today.

I shouldn't have to...

No.

I shouldn't have to feel embarrassed...

It's just my lower back..

My body. My own flesh.

Then why do I want to cover every inch of myself now that it's a joke to them...

The conversations went on. I could envision them behind me... their screwed up faces as they laughed, some with their uncomfotable gaze trying not to stare-- some who stared because it was amusing, because it was "gross".

I feel their eyes on me.. and I hate it. I hate myself. They burned holes through the light streaks contrasting against my bown skin, the marks on my lower back. Suddely I felt too big. Fat and unattractive. Sucking it up, I go against the nagging feeling, the embarrassment, and pretend -- as usual, as if I couldn't hear them.

And I did just that. However, eventually, I could no longer pretend...
The tears started to burn my eyes, it had gotten so bad in fact, I had to constantly look around to dry them.

Trying to ignore.

Trying to ignore what they were saying.

"Look at her.."

"What?"

"Her stretch marks... Look at them..."

"Yooo... What the fuck..."

"Y'all chill out..."

"Come on... Stop.."

"Nooo look at them!"

"Ew.. she's must have gained a lot for them to be that deep.."

Just as quick as a tear managed to escape, I wipe it away seamlessly; I was always a silent crier.

"Why don't you all shut the fuck up.."

The class was big enough that the professor didn't hear. I was fortunate for that matter. A few students in the back turned their heads to look at Leon.. a student who was born in Korea and who never uttered a word in this class...

His dark eyes glared at the boys at the table behind me..

"Don't you have anything better to do than make fun of someone's body?"

Although not everyone hadn't known who Leon was reffering to--to me, it felt as if everyone knew.

He just made things worse.

"You wouldn't even know what to do with a body like hers." He retorted angrily, a snarl on his lips.

The guys looked both shocked and confused while I was dying in my seat. Wishing I was anywhere but here...

"You wouldn't even know how to apprecieate a woman's body. Because that's what she is.. You're acting like children and you're supposed to be a softmores in college? Pathetic.."

They guys behind me looked directly at me with wide eyes. Soon the others who heard caught on, resulting in me putting my jacket around my waist and looking straight forward.

I just had to hang on until class was over...

Only then will I allow myself to cry.

♡♡♡

I angrily pack my things and wait for everyone to leave, holding back the tears that was threating me during the entire class. I keep my head up and ignore the stares from the guys before as they passed by me with muffled whispers and stolen glances.

I stalled by shuffling random things in my bag, making it seem like I was searching for something. As soon as everyone was gone, I allow myself to cry silently, sinking into the chair.

"Don't cry."

Startled, I jump and gawk at Leon. Dark monolid eyes stare at me intently. He's never uttered a word to me and quite frankly, I was terrified of him. And it wasn't because he was riddled with an ink sleve running up his right arm or the fact that he has lip, ear, and eyebrow piercings, or was very tall and muscular. It was because his eyes were so intense they made my heart skip a beat.

It genuinely scared me.

Made me feel things I've... never felt before.

This was my first time meeting him. Seeing him this close up.

He squats down a little to look at me, uses his thumb to swipe a tear from my cheek. I flinched only because it felt wrong to have him do such an intimate thing when I don't even know him like that. I also flinched because his touch lit my skin on fire.

What was happening here?

"They shouldn't have said those things." He says slowly. I noted his voice was soft, quite, and deep with his slight accent. "They're not used to a woman's body. They don't know how to approch you. You intimidate them."

"Me?" A frown makes it's way to my face.

"Yes.."

He gently took my small hand into his own and pulled me up to my feet; it was then his eyes wonder down my body, a look I couldn't quite decipher, but it gave me chills.

"If I were to have you, I'd worship your body and make you realize how beautiful you were until it was branded in your head. Until one day, you'll look in the mirror and see what I see."

My eyes widened.

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever until he let go of my hand and walked out of the class.