VALERIE // Harry Styles

X.

The days and weeks blur into one dark mess around you as you're just going through the motions, surviving day by day. The pain you first felt after everything that happened with Harry started to turn into a numbness in your chest until you just simply stopped feeling anything at all.

Following the encounter in the car he tried to call you several times, but you were quick to turn your phone off and delete all the messages he left. He kept on going for an entire week, trying to get you to talk to him, but you refused to even be in the same room as him, your anger was still blinding and you didn't trust yourself with not killing him if you laid your eyes on him.

He sent you texts, emails, even left letters in your mailbox, but you threw them away not wanting to hear his petty excuses about why he made you miserable for so long.

There were days when you weakened and almost reached out for him. In the past few months when your relationship abruptly changed, you definitely felt yourself fall for him, but then you reminded yourself that he chose to hurt you in the past on purpose and didn't even try to change, not even when he saw how much his behavior affected you.

Slowly, the calls and messages got less frequent until they stopped. You haven't heard from him in over two months and though you still find yourself lying in bed with tears in your eyes, thinking about him, you've made yourself believe that you are better off without him. He has probably moved on already and got back to his playboy habits. He was always good in that, picking up random chicks, using them and then throwing them away when he felt like that.

You never told anyone what really happened. One time you just broke down in front of Rosa when he mentioned something about Harry. You couldn't speak or breathe and she didn't try to force you to tell her the story, but she figured it was something serious if you were so broken. She stopped bringing him up even though some days you were dying to hear just the smallest crumb of information about him.

You could only hope that time would heal the wound on your heart, but for a very long time you thought you wouldn't feel like yourself again ever. But somehow, as the weeks rushed by you and life has gotten busy around you, you slowly stopped thinking about him every minute of the day until you were able to push it to the back of your mind and carry on with your life. Or at least pretend like you stopped thinking about him.

Two weeks after Harry's confession you and Marcus broke up. You just had to face that it wouldn't have worked no matter how hard you were trying. You hated how you could hear Harry's words when you finally ended things, how he told you that you have to let go of him and you wouldn't admit, but when you cried yourself to sleep that night, it wasn't because of Marcus, but because you were missing Harry.

On his birthday you almost broke and sent him a text, even typed it in, but you deleted it not long after. You wondered how he spent it, thinking he must have had a party or something, but you were surprised when Rosa called you that evening to talk about something entirely different.

"You didn't have plans tonight?" you carefully asked with a hint of suspicion. It was weird that if Harry was having a birthday party, Rosa and Steven weren't invited.

"No, nothing. Why?" she asked, but she knew exactly your reason behind the question.

"Doesn't matter."

You found it weird, but didn't let yourself rave about it too long or else you would have found yourself going down the same spiral you were trying to get out of for so long.

Each passing day brought a different emotion and you had to find your way through life while fighting them. You couldn't see further than just a few days ahead and though it scared you, how drained and dark everything felt, there was not much you could do other than... wait.