Crash of life

The crash

Almost on the plane, finally flying back home. I have to be honest, the weekend was fun but I just want to be home. We are about to board the plane, I have a seat next to my mom, ugh. Luckily I have the window seat, I can stare out of the window and slightly hope the plane drops out of the sky, which I know it won't, but a girl can dream. I love turbulence on a plane, to see all the scared faces while I just sit there and relax. Sadly this take off didn't include turbulence, it was so quiet and smooth, so boring. My mom keeps trying to start a conversation, while I try to listen to music, which is much more fun. While staring out of the window, I see a flickering light, it's probably just the wing light. This is until I realise that I can't see the wing light from my seat. There's a small fire on the propellor, I notify the crew, and people around us are scared to death, my mom is as well. She asks me: "How do you just sit there so calmly?" "Just don't give a fuck about life" that's what I thought, instead I replied "if I'm gonna stress, it'll increase the chance that I'm gonna die." The  pilot turns of the propellor, we can fly on one propellor. The pilot calms everyone by saying that we will easily make it to the airport. Why'd he spoil the fun? Suddenly I feel the gravitational forces change, I feel weightless, it's like the plane is dropping out of the sky, oh wait, the plane is dropping out of the sky. The pilot tries to get the nose up, after a while he managed. We almost hit the ground, we just survived. That's when I feel it happening again, this time, he does not manage to gain altitude. "BRACE FOR IMPACT." We hit the ground, just for a second I thought I was dead. I'm not, sadly. I look around me, as far as I can see everyone is badly hurt but alive. I am able to crawl away, and break people free around me. I see several people walking out of the plane, or what is left of it. Everyone I know is too badly injured to move, they lay on the ground, not even sure if they're conscious. There are several people still in the plane, I go back to try and get them out. I see my mom, begging me for help. I walk past, I help 2 others out and left 13 people, including my mom inside. Just as I walk out and help the people to a safe distance, the plane explodes, some people fall over unconscious and I manage to stay conscious. I hear and see ambulances coming, that's when I fall down unconsciously. The next thing I know, I'm in a hospital, there is a doctor standing over my bed, being surprised that I woke up. "I didn't expect that you would wake up so fast, you crashed 3 hours ago and usually people wake up after 12 hours, if they even wake up. But how are you feeling?" "I'm okay, just a slight headache. What do you mean I crashed?" "You were in a plane crash" now it all comes back to me, plane crash, saving people, explosion, knockout and now hospital.
"How many survivors?"
"Around 100, 13 deaths... including your mom."
"Okay, thank you. How my dad?"
"He is alive, but we are not sure for how long. He is in coma."
"Oh... okay. Ehh, what can I do now?"
"We are going to do some tests and if all goes well then you're free to go. We also have to fix up your arm, you have a very deep cut. Also, how did you get all the scars on your arm?"
"Ehh..."
"It's okay, when was the last time?"
"Few months ago, I'm okay. Don't worry"
"Okay, I will come back with a doctor to get you checked out."
"Thanks"
My mom is dead... I left her in the plane and somehow I don't feel guilty. Would it be bad to say that I am glad? Because I think I am.
I feel bad about the other people in the plane, but my wish did come true. The plane fell out of the sky, sadly I survived. But it is okay, I think. My mom died, so maybe I can start living now. The doctor walks in, I hope I will be discharged.
"Are you ready for some tests?"
"I guess, depends. I usually suck at tests." I say with a smile on my face.
"You passed the test of having humour ." He winks at me. "Now serious business, I have to check your blood, check the cut on your arm and finally check how your head is. We do need to talk about getting you a psychologist for the trauma you might have experienced."
"That doesn't sound so bad. I am already on a waiting list for a psychologist."
"We can fix that you no longer have to wait, because the signs that you did experience a trauma can start acting up pretty soon, you'll need help when you get them."
"Okay, sure. Let's start with the first test, I want to go home. I'm not sure how I'm going to get there, but we will see."
"What do you mean that you're not sure how you're going to get home?"
"My mom died in the crash and my dad is in coma."
"We can call someone for you, who is your guardian now?"
"I guess that would be my brother."
"We will call him, I think he is already here though, your dad had a visitor."
"He didn't visit me?"
"No you were awake, so no one is allowed to visit you for the first 2 hours that you're awake. He did ask if he could visit you."
"Okay. Let's start the tests."
"Are you afraid of needles?"
"No, so please do whatever you need to do."
"Okay, I wish all patients were like this."
"Haha, sorry." He takes some blood and directly gives it to his assistant, who walks out. The doctor takes of the bandage on my arm.
"The cut looks okay, healed quite fast. You do have a lot of scar tissue there."
"Yeah I know, I had more cuts there."
"The doctor told me, are you going to be okay without your parents?"
"Yeah I am."
"I want to see how well your head still works. Please stand up, count till 10, try 5 easy maths questions and we want to check if all your senses are okay."
"Sure."
I stand up, walk around a bit and I count till 10. No problem. I do the 5 easy maths questions, and my senses are okay.
"You're completely okay, that's impressive. You can go home. Your brother is here."
"Okay, thank you!!" I'm very excited that I can go home.
My brother hugs me tight. I tell him that I do want to visit dad, so I do. He waits. He doesn't want to see dad again.
While standing at my dads bed, he seems peaceful. Another doctor walks in, tells me that he is calmly in coma, but they are not sure when or even if he is going to wake up. I tell my dad goodbye, and walk out. My brother and I drive home in complete silence. When we come home, I realise there is hardly any food.
"Lets go get some food, there hardly is any. I also need bread for school."
"I don't feel like driving, let's order something online."
"What about school tomorrow?"
"Figure it out, I can give you some money and you can buy some food on your way tomorrow."
"No. I get that you do not want to drive but I will take the bike and get some normal food. I know mom and dad aren't here but we have to keep living."
"Yeah sure."
I come back home with some normal food. That's when I see the huge amount of empty beer bottles, and an empty bottle of vodka.
"Dude, just calm down and go to bed. You have to go to internship tomorrow."
"I won't go."
"Why not?"
"Don't feel like it."
"You have to, you have to finish your study."
"I won't, I don't feel like doing anything. I will get enough money to live from moms death."
"I will try to make sure you won't have access to that money."
"And you will? You're 16."
"I'm not drunk, I'm not broken, I will contact our uncle and he can help us out. But you won't have access, maybe when you're okay again."
"I am perfectly fine." He says angrily.
"Don't you dare tell me that I am drunk and broken."
"Sorry, you're drunk, high, broken and hurt."
He hits me in the face, several times. After a while he stops, he runs to the toilet and I hear him puke. I clean the blood from my face, and clean up the stuff I bought. I go to sleep, well at least I try to. In total I slept about 3 hours, but that's okay. Right before I leave, I wake up my brother, tells him to wake up and get ready to go to internship. He does not listen and goes back to sleep. I leave him, because I have to leave. I arrive at school, the teachers and friends realise that I am back. The secretary asks me to come in and explain where I have been the past few days, without my parents calling. I don't know how to tell her.
"I was terribly ill, I'll make sure I get a note or a phone call."
"Okay, what happened to your face?"
"Nothing, I fell pretty badly."
The classes are terrible, I can't focus and keep being busy with everything but school. No one seems to notice, except my mentor. She notices. I'm in tutorial right now, my mentor is talking and talking, I have no clue what she is talking about, and she seems to notice that I'm not paying attention at all. I'm right, I love it when I'm right, she takes me outside.
"What happened to your face?"
"I fell, pretty badly."
"Are you sure?"
Before I could do anything, I broke into tears.  I can't tell her the truth, but I have to tell her something.
"I got into a fight with a stranger, he started hitting me." It is technically not a lie, my brother is a stranger to me and he did start hitting me.
"Do you know why?"
"Yeah, I was on the bus with my girlfriend and he saw and he's homophobic." Okay that was a straight up lie.
"Are you and your girlfriend okay?"
"Yeah I took all the beating, she's okay."
"Okay, have you seen a doctor?"
"No I haven't, I will. But its not that bad."
"Okay. Maybe a not so nice question now, but is school going to be okay?"
"I might struggle this week a bit but yeah it will. I will fight through."
"Okay, tell me if there is something you need help with."
"I will."
"Can I give you a hug?"
I'm not even able to answer so I smiled and hoping that she would understand, and she does.
The rest of the classes are actually okay, I told myself that I had to fight through, for my own sake, for my brothers sake and for my dads sake. I need to be strong so they can save themselves.
When I get home, my brother is at home, he shouldn't be, he should be at internship...
"Why the hell are you here, you should be at internship."
"I told you I didn't feel like going."
"Too bad, you're going tomorrow, I will drag you there if I have to."
"Meh good luck."
"Thank you."
What do I do with him? He's 7 years older than me, I can hardly make him but I have to. I walk into his room, into his closet, grab some clothes that he is going to wear tomorrow, I will wake him up just in Time that he can shower and get ready. Then I will get in the car with him, and he will go to internship. Now I gotta hide all alcohol in the house.
"You're not gonna drink any alcohol. I have access to the money, through our uncle. He gives me some money to do the necessary shopping, and none of that money will be spent on alcohol or drugs. If you don't drink any alcohol, you don't do drugs, go to internship and go to school, we can get some extra to buy things we don't need but want. Deal?"
"Yeah sure whatever, I have my own money."
"And for how long is that going to last if you don't do shit?"
"I can access moms money, I'm 24."
"No, for the first 5 years someone else, our uncle in this case, has control over the money, it's too much for either one of us to have. After these 5 years we will see how we are going to spread it, or even if we're going to spread it."
"You are a selfish bitch, you keep all the money to yourself, you try to make life easy for yourself."
"And that's where you're wrong, I was in the plane crash, I saw mom die, I saved a lot of people from the plane, including dad, I've been trying to get you back to your old self, to someone who cares, who would never slap his sister, to someone who is quite lazy, still does his school shit and that can cook very well. I am doing what has to be done, so you think I wouldn't like to get so stoned and drunk right now? I'd love to. I feel like giving up, giving in to the temptations but I won't, I will never."
"Just take care of yourself and stop bothering me."
"No, you're my brother, I get that it hurts like hell, but I am not giving up on you. You can heal, but you have to let me help you."
"Honestly just shut up."
"Okay, I have some homework to do. I will wake you up tomorrow morning. I put some clothes for you on your bed. Oh and btw, I will drive with you to internship, I don't care that I'll be late."
"You are a pain in the ass."
"Yeah I know and I really don't care."
He sighs angrily and I walk out of the living room, I have a ton of homework to do.
The next morning, I try to get my brother to wake up, but he doesn't want to. Too bad for him, I'm not giving him a choice. I pour some water in a cup and throw it in his face, he did not appreciate that but at least he's awake.
"Godverdomme."
He outed those words, I gave him a smile and said: "wake up, get ready. You gotta be in the shower in less than 5 minutes."
"Fine."
Hmm, that went much better than expected. He actually is getting up, taking his clothes to the shower.
"What do you want for breakfast? And what for lunch?"
"I don't know, just do something."
"Okay."
I hear the shower running for over 20 minutes, I Get slightly worried. I walk over to the bathroom, "Are you okay in there?"
No response. "Either answer or I'm coming in."
No response. I open the door and see him laying on the ground, blood streaming from his arms. I call an ambulance, he's still alive.
The ambulance arrives, they quickly roll him into the ambulance and drive away. I'm still at home, I have to walk the dogs, then I'll travel to the hospital, maybe go to school after. Whatever happens, I have to stay strong and think with my head.
First, I have to clean the bathroom. Cleaning his blood of the floor and walls is not my favourite thing to do, but I don't have a choice. Im at the hospital, I see him laying there, unconscious. The doctor walks in, they want to have him in the hospital for at least another week, and maybe then stay in a place for people who are struggling. I think he should, but he has to choose that for himself. I write him a note, saying: