if I was your idea of the perfect woman,
I'd be way past the due date for apologies
I would apologize for taking up space;
stars and cosmos reserved for those who want to dim my brightness
I'd say sorry for thinking I was bright in the first place
nebulas falling off of my speech and into your orbit
hit with meteors and satellites
I would apologize for not realizing that I am a sun
only meant to rise when it is convenient for you
and set when I am no longer useful
a pretty sunset for your pleasure only
you are a black hole with my worth at the center of it
yours to mould like clay to your liking
and I'd apologize because you'd want me to
so I'd want to
because you'd want me to and
I'd apologize because I'm not your idea
of the perfect woman
and I don't want to be
I wanna be the sun on my terms
shining for myself
and that scares you
because you know I'd blind you
and outshine you
I want to be the moon
changing when it wants
with the support of a million stars
I want to fill the night sky
without hiding imperfections and
craters lined with teeth
to bite back at the hands
of those feeding me instructions
on how to be a woman
I don't owe you the apology you desire
I will not apologize for choosing not to base
my womanhood on how comfortable it makes you feel
I will not apologize for existing
- ken m 12/16/20
(a quick vent piece, not revised)
