The Magic of Hollywood // Charlie Gillespie

Chapter 9

I feel like we stood in awkward silence since hours but I think it's actually just seconds. The ease of the situation before had made room for a very tense feeling. I can't bring myself to look up at Charlie. I know the second I look into his eyes I won't care that he hurt me and it won't matter what he says because that's how much I've already fallen for him. Since that can't happen I fix my eyes on the ground between us. "Do you... maybe... wanna sit down?" Don't look up Victoria. Eyes to the ground. I slightly nod my head and move over to the corner of the club where a little couch and snack table are situated. Once we sit down I break the promise to myself and look up at him. I immediately regret it because the way he's looking at me breaks my heart. He seems so incredibly sad and it kills me to know for some unexplainable reason it's because of me.

"I'm really sorry about how I left things last week." That's all he says. He looks at me with so much hope I already hate myself for what I'm going to say but I just can't give in like that. "Yeah, you already said that." The hope starts to leave his eyes again and the sadness returns. "Listen, I really have an insane amount of work to tackle before the opening next week so either you do what you said you came here for and tell me why you acted like a jerk last week or we can cut this short." I know I'm being harsh, maybe even more harsh than I should be but today has already taken its toll on me and I just don't have the energy to try and hold up my barrier towards him when he's looking at me like that so either he gives me an actual reason to forgive him or I have to push him away before my walls crumble to pieces again.

"You're right, I'm sorry I bothered you. I should have just stayed away." He wants to get up. Seriously? After everything that has happened he's just gonna leave again? "Are you serious right now? Is this some game to you? Play nice and invite me for a coffee than run away. Leave me wondering for a week and then appear out of nowhere just to make me hope you actually care about me and then just leave again?" He sits back down. Honestly, at this point I can't bare looking at him anymore. Why did I just say that? How pathetic am I to tell a stranger I wish he'd care about me? Well, that's my dignity gone. "Victoria, I do care about you. Why do you think I'm here? I just don't get the feeling you actually want me here so I thought it's best I leave you alone." Of course he's blaming me now. Oh hold on... yeah I was pretty harsh to him, was I? "I don't know if I want you here because I don't know why you're here." We aren't getting anywhere like this. "Can you please just tell me whatever it is you wanted to tell me?" He nods slightly.

"Ok. First there's something I should have told you right when you asked me what brings me to LA..." I hesitantly look up at him. The sadness is still there but it's fighting with another emotion... Fear? Why would he be scared? "So... I'm in LA for work... which means I..." Is he trying to tell me he's in that Netflix show? Why is he making such a big deal out of that? Not as if it was that hard to tell with his face staring at me on a poster. "You're an actor." Wow, stating the obvious is really my thing today. He looks kinda shocked. "You know?" - "Yap. Had you stare at me from a poster down the street when I went to the beach this morning." And the sadness returns. Damn, he's really breaking my heart right now. "I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you myself. It's just... I liked that you didn't know... you seemed to enjoy my company even though you didn't know I'm not just a random guy."

So that's what's troubling him? "You thought I'd treat you different?" He shrugs a little and looks down to his feet. This is the first time he doesn't directly look at me, already as if he's embarrassed. "I don't know. I just didn't wanna risk it... It was so nice and easy to be around you." Ok, I give him that one. It's probably hard not knowing why people want your company. "Well, only thing I can tell you is I don't care if you're an actor or working at a drug store. What I do care about though is that you left me looking like an idiot in the middle of Starbucks." This morning when I saw the poster I was kinda mad at him for not telling me but now I get it. I can't imagine how it must feel to never know people's true intentions. I mean you never know, really, but it must be so much harder if you're someone popular. Now it kinda makes sense to me why he chose the furthest and darkest corner of Starbucks.

"I know I acted like a real classy asshole. It's just... when we were sitting there I heard the clicking of a camera and I didn't think straight." Hold on! Is he trying to tell me he didn't wanna be seen with me? The sympathy I just developed starts to disappear again. He seems to sense it. I have no idea how but the connection we have is insane. "Hey! It's not what you think!"