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Dear Diary

Title: Dear Diary
Genre/s: Semi-mystery, Fiction, Angst
Info:
- N/A
Warnings:
- Implied Transgender
- Implied Trauma/Bad Life Events
- Mention of Stroke

My Diary

Name: Echo   
Year: 2028_

Extra Info About Me:
Age: 25  
Work/School:
  Digital Designer, Writer 
Fun Facts:
                     N/A                     

~

Date: 27th of March 2028   
Diary Entry 87#    

~

Dear Diary;

Today was another ordinary day, nothing special.
Wake up, get ready for the day, go to work, get stared at, go home, eat, write, get ready for bed - and now I'm about to go to sleep.
I don't know if I am going to read this in the future, or if past me was able to predict that I would write this - but that's just another thought for me to have when I procrastinate, I'm really good at that.

I'm also doing pretty well at work, I get a good enough pay to support myself - which helps distract me from the fact that basically no one likes me there.
I am pretty sure that it's because of how I'm the only female (sex wise) that doesn't wear anything feminine, but like- 90% of the world wouldn't care, so they're just unlucky.
The main reason for me not wearing dresses and such is because of my childhood, well - if you could call pre-teens childhood.

I believe it was in grade 5 or 6 in which I realized that I didn't feel comfortable in feminine clothing - I'm not sure why, why I was like that, why it happened at that time in my life, but it did.
As time went on, I became more... gender neutral, learning about the LGBTQ+ community and Black Lives Matter movement.
However, my 'gender neutrality' came with a cost - especially in scenarios in which I would be expected to be 'formal' and wear some sort of poufy dress with a billion layers.
I was basically the odd one out of the group, or everyone - yeah, everyone.

At that time of my life, which is also today 9 years ago (yes, it is this event's anniversary), my grandfather on my mother's side of the family had a stroke - causing the right side of his body to become weaker & him to kinda become a sort-of 5 year old.
That's when I realised that my time with him was limited, and all those crazy ideas came rushing in like a waterfall that was just let loose on my head.
I became more anxious, especially in grade 6, and had these... thoughts... for a while, but they died down eventually.
However, 'eventually' is the key word here.

Waves of black and grey would swim around me, blocking my vision and changing the things I could see into things I could fear.
The simplest appearance of a stranger could cause the shaded ocean to make me think of them as a thief, killer or anything of the sort - the water could even cause me to believe my friends as my enemies!
However, it didn't stop there - the polluted H2O had the 'magical' ability to make things appear in places when they weren't actually standing before me.
Once, maybe twice - it showed me how to cause itself & I to dry out.
But I found a way to slay the beast in my head, and I learned how to by realising exactly that - it was in my head.
My thoughts were my own fears trying to take control, but I wouldn't let them.

I fought back with knowledge, and as Thomas Sanders said; "If you're worried about getting hurt, then seek knowledge. It is our greatest weapon, and our greatest defence."
I studied psychology & psychological disorders for a long portion of my early high school years, in order to grasp a better understanding of myself and others.
And, it worked.

I found a job, got myself a home - and pursued my dream of becoming a better person.
That's all for now diary, I better head to bed.
But fear not, for my strength is in my head.

From, Echo - a changed person.

~

A low yawn escaped the person's mouth, a small yellow light illuminating the page that had just been written upon - the moonlight shining through the window across from the bed.
The short black-haired figure placed the journal on top of their bedside table, along with a shiny black pen that had phoenix-coloured accents around certain parts of it.
The human reached out their tan-ish hand to turn off the light-bulb that shined above their head, pulling the white covers towards their chest and closing their dark-brown eyes to sleep the night away.
However, a sticky note that seemed to be stuck to the outer side of the window seemed to catch the moonlight's attention;
'Echo is the future version of me'.