Chasing the Suns

Unsanctioned

My feet started walking East almost of their own accord, and I let them. Lem's guidance was as good as any.

I followed the river boundary, listening to the quiet gurgle. Everything seemed different from outside the gates. Once you enter for training, you don't leave until your Voyage. It's a rite of passage. Whether it was just in my mind, or real, it felt like a whole new world than the one I'd walked away from. The stars didn't seem as bright, but there seemed to be thousands more of them, lighting the night so well that I didn't need to call forth flame, even once.

Hours later, I reached the place where the river disappeared into the cliffside. Here, there were roughly hewn steps carved, twisting and winding their way up. I craned my neck backwards, but from my position on the ground I couldn't see where the steps ended, just the seemingly never-ending rock wall.

"I must be insane"

I muttered to myself, as I climbed up onto the first step, maybe seven feet wide, three feet long, jutting out slightly.

It was slow going, my bag seemed to grow heavier with every step. I stumbled twice, once almost slipping from the stone, damp in the night air. That spring was warmer than most, but not warm enough to rid the air of its chilly moisture.

I didn't let myself stop, although I desperately wanted to. I wanted to stop, and breathe in the dark, to sit and drink from my heavy canteen of water, to cry, to laugh, to shout my freedom at the top of my lungs. But I only climbed on, laboured breathing making clouds of white in front of me.

Almost every rocky step brought new doubts to my mind.

Was I ready for this?

Would I find answers atop the cliffs?

Would I find answers anywhere?

Would Ana approve?

I knew the answer to my last question, I thought. Absolutely not. For all her wild past, and that she made her own path in the world, Ana would be horrified at the idea of breaking the most concrete of rules.

Strangely, this thought only spurred me on.

Good, I thought, Ana can yell at me herself, once I get her back.

My consuming mental journey almost caused a third slip in my physical one. I was maybe a quarter of the way up the cliff face when my reaching hands missed the ledge of the next outcrop, and I fell to my knees, catching myself at the last second on the ledge I was already on.

I looked down at the ground in the gap between, and it seemed so far away. I couldn't breathe, only stare down. At the height I was at, it would surely be fatal. If I fell, the only words at my farewell would be

'Goodbye, Leta. The shortest unsanctioned Voyage ever.'

The idea of sombre-faced Aleyah saying the words set me giggling, and I decided it was time for a rest before I went hysterical.

I sat, cross-legged, back to the cliff, and looked out across the land. To my left, streaks of scarlet were beginning to appear, the signs of my first sunrise on the outside.

Suddenly weary, I decided that when the sun fully rose, I would allow myself to sleep, but only for a short while.

As luck had it, five giant stone steps later, there was a larger, almost platform-like slab protruding from the wall. Deciding it as good a place as any, with the sun almost funny risen over the horizon line, I pulled from my pack a thick woollen blanket, and my winter cloak. Using the blanket as a mattress, and the cloak as a pillow, I settled as close to the cliff face as I could, edging all my belongings away from the drop.