No Shame (Book 2 - No Regrets)

Chapter Forty-Three - Not a Care

KATIE'S POV

  "Katie, are you awake?" Mom asks from the other side of my bedroom door. "I can bring you up something to eat." Even though I'm wide awake and haven't done anything close to sleeping for hours, I don't respond. Mom knocks on the door again and repeats her question and offer. Still, I don't respond.

  Words seem to be impossible for my mind to form, and even more an insuperable task to speak them. When Jena woke up around nine o'clock, I was still in the room, sitting on the couch. Garret had been gone from the room for hours but his presence was suffocating. I could hardly formulate a way to look at her to acknowledge her when she greeted me. Jena's parents invited me to stay for breakfast, I didn't refuse. I wanted to. I wanted to run faster than the speed of sound away from that house. I wanted to run and never stop until, but I was shackled.

The entire time sitting with Jena and her family, I was screaming; but not even a whisper left my lips. Garret was there, not even an ounce of regret for what he had done or drop of fear that I would tell. I wanted to take my fork and find out how deep I could drive it into him for that alone. He must have read my thoughts because he glanced over at me. He didn't need to shoot me a look. The feeling of his eyes on me for even a brief second paralyzed me. After breakfast, Jena and her mom drove me home.

The entire car ride, I felt like I was running on an autopilot. Jena would speak and I would respond with words, even though my mind couldn't process what we were talking about. The entire time, I was counting down the milliseconds until I was out of that car. Jena leaned over and gave me a side hug when the car pulled up to my house. I couldn't breathe, i wanted to throw her off of me but instead I returned the friendly gesture. I got out of the car, my heart pounding in my ears as I got closer to the front door. A feeling swelled inside me. I foolishly thought that once I was inside my house, that I would be free of the chains that bound my tongue and body.

However, when I stepped through that door, when I saw Dad stick his head out from the kitchen, looking so happy. I realized my prison sentence had only begun. He walked over and wrapped his arms around me in an embrace. A loving gesture that he had done millions of times before and I had craved so many times felt like a pillow smothering me. He told me how much he had missed me, how happy he was I was home, and how sorry he was that he missed the banquet. He placed his hand on my shoulder. The touch burned me and his hand felt like a million ton weight on my shoulder. He wanted to hear all about the banquet and all I had been up to while he was away.

I could see hurt flash in his eyes when I told him I was tired and wanted to go lay down. He didn't stop me though. Every step I took was torture, physically and mentally, a war to be won. I made my way into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I began running the water for a bath, turning to nozzle as far as I could. I removed the clothes I had changed in to this morning and climbed right in the bathtub. Not caring that the water bitter cold before warming up. I grabbed a loofa and scrubbed my skin hard with all my strength and will. Trying to wash away all that happened. My skin was raw and red when I was finished; but I feel filthier than ever.

I spent the rest of the morning and the entirety of the afternoon in bed. Mom and Dad took turns knocking on my door to check on me. Most of the time, I'd pretend to still be asleep. Sometimes I'd mutter out that I was sick and trying to get some rest.

I know they are worried and I suspect they even may be hurt at my avoidance. Yet, I can't bring myself to open the door to face them. Garret is miles away but his presence feels heavier on me than it ever did.

  My bedroom door creaks open, "Katie." Mom says, her voice is soft. She walks over and sits on the end of my bed. She lets out a gentle sigh, "Katie Marie, I know you're awake."

I don't turn over to face her but I pull up the blankets a little to acknowledge her. "Are you mad at us for missing the banquet? It's okay if you are." I can hear the worry in her voice.

"No." I answer.

"Okay, then did Jena and you have a fight?" She asks.

"No."

"How about we get dressed and go out to dinner? You can pick the place." Mom says.

"Raincheck? I don't feel well." I say burying myself into my bed.

Mom lets out a sigh. "Sweetie, how can I help you if you don't tell me what's bothering you?" Her hand touches my back causing me to flinch a little. She draws her hand back for a moment, probably startled herself, but then she places it back. She begins to rub little circles along my back, not saying a word. She stays like this for a while, waiting for me to speak. I don't know how long she stays but eventually she draws her hand back. Her weight lifts from the bed and the bedroom door closes.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE***

Mini-spam completed.

A new chapter and the start of a new journey for the New Year. Thank you everyone who read my story throughout last year. Thank you everyone who started my story this year. Thank you all for all the support.

I wish everyone a happy New year, may 2021 it be kinder to all than 2020 was.