battle scars // jasper hale fanfiction

chapter six

I went to school the next day feeling like a zombie. The medicine still had me a little numb, and the panic attack had me drained. I was a little nervous to see everyone, but I was excited to see Jasper. I knew being around him would make me feel better, even if things were awkward between us.

I was hoping he would join me again third period, but he never did. I sat at the same table and the same chair as I did yesterday. My eyes kept looking at the door. Whenever someone walked in and it wasn't a certain blonde, I was disappointed. I was trying to not overthink why he was gone. The added medication from yesterday helped with that.

I didn't bring up yesterday to Bella, and she didn't bring it up to me, which I was thankful for.

I was excited for lunch. I was hoping I would see Jasper. I grabbed my food a little quicker than normal, which forced Bella to hurry up. I turned to head to the table and only saw two people sitting at our usual table.

My heart sunk.

I walked to the table more slowly and set my tray down. I was hoping I'd at least get to see Jasper, but he must be gone today. Maybe he really can't handle blood that much. What if he felt so sick he couldn't come to school today all because of me?

I felt panicky and numb all of the sudden. How I felt both of those at one I'll never know. This was not how I was hoping today was gonna go.

I pushed my food around my plate. I was too nervous to eat, and I know if I did it would taste like nothing. When that happens, I start to dissociate. So I just won't eat. That's the easiest option.

I realized I hadn't been paying attention to what they were talking about. I heard Alice and Bella talking about something. I slowly looked up and saw Edward looking at me a little worriedly. I quickly brought my head down.

Could he see how I was really feeling? I thought I was hiding my thoughts pretty well. Bella hadn't said anything this morning during classes, but maybe she just isn't as observant as Edward.

I started overthinking how worried Edward was. I decided I needed some air.

"I forgot–" I started but had to stop to clear my throat. Bella and Alice turned their attention to me when I started talking. "I forgot that I was going to meet with a teacher quick at the end of lunch. I'm gonna head to meet them. See you guys later?"

I looked around to see if everyone fell for my lie. Bella and Alice nodded easily, but Edward was more hesitant.

Before he could protest, I grabbed my tray and headed to drop it off. Even walking felt better than just sitting at the table. My heart had a reason to beat a little faster when I was walking. I tried to brush off my anxiety as simply out of shape.

As soon as I burst out of the school doors, I took a big breath. It caught in my throat. Oh no, I was gonna start crying.

Not here. Not now. Please. I had enough yesterday.

I leaned against the brick wall. It was cool, which felt nice. I slowly sunk down against the wall as the tears started to fall. I put my head in between my knees.

Pull it together, Vi.

The doors opened next to me. I turned to see Edward staring at me. I quickly put my head down again.

In . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4

Out . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4

The shadows changed in front of me. I raised my head to see Edward crouching in front of me. He seemed a little unsure of how he should be helping me.

We sat in silence for a second before I burst out. "Why is Jasper gone?"

Edward seemed to understand what I was thinking when I asked that.

Well, he knew more than me then.

"He wasn't feeling well," Edward started.

"It was because of me." I sniffled and shook my head. I was such an awful person. I made one of the real friends I have sick.

"Hey, don't talk like that. It's not your fault he can't be around blood." He wasn't helping at all.

"But it's my fault I got a nose bleed." Tears continued to stream down my face.

"It was an accident. No one blames you for an accident."

"I blame me," I whispered.

Edward had this look of sympathy as he looked at me.

"What if I ruined everything? What if he never talks to me again? What if I lose all of you guys? I mean he's your brother, so why would you stay by my side? If me and Jasper started fighting, you're gonna stay with him. Not that I blame you. I'd do the same thing if I was in your position. I really messed everything up. I'm gonna lose the first real friend I've ever had–"

"Violet," Edward cut me off by putting his hands on my shoulders.

I looked straight into his eyes. We seemed to be searching for what to do next in each other's faces, but neither of us had a good answer. Instead, we just stared at each other and breathed.

It helped. Not a lot, but it helped. Hell, I'd do anything to get rid of this feeling.

After a moment, Edward said, "We're not going to leave you. Ever. Jasper just didn't feel well. He'll be back in school when he's better, sitting in the chair right next to you."

Edward made things just sound right. He knew I was overthinking, and he laid it out plain and simple.

Everything was fine.

"I think I need to go home," I said a little uncertainly. I don't think I could go on with the day.

"Okay." Edward took a second to think of what to do. I was glad he took the time to think of a plan. "I'll go tell the office that you're heading home. Are you okay to drive home by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm better now."

"You get heading home, then. I'll handle everything here. Drink a glass of water, and then take a nap. Watch your favorite movie if you can't sleep. Tomorrow, I'll tell you what you missed in science. Okay?"

I nodded my head. He squeezed my shoulders and then put a hand out to help me up. He pulled me up with ease. He gave me one last reassuring look before I walked away.

I hopped in my minivan and started it up. I looked in my rearview mirror to back up and saw Edward still standing there waiting for me to head out.