Incorrect History Quotes

American History

The Continental Army: Your plan is guilt-trip us into stopping our mutiny? Did you really think that would work?

George Washington: I don't know, is it?

The Continental Army: ...Yeah...

. . .

Alexander Hamilton Jr.: Mom! Mom guess what!

Eliza Hamilton: What is it dear?

Alexander Hamilton Jr.: I've just taken on a new client, a woman looking to divorce her husband, but do you know who the husband is?

Eliza Hamilton: Who?

Alexander Hamilton Jr.: Aaron Burr

Eliza Hamilton: Pffft - HAHAHA!

. . .

"If I invent enough things, found enough organizations, and charm enough French ladies, they'll have to put me on the $100 bill." - Benjamin Franklin, probably.

. . .

President Truman: I'm prepared to use the entire US arsenal against the Korean communists forces. Every option is on the table.

General MacArthur: We should nuke 'em.

President Truman: ...

President Truman: Okay, *almost* every option is on the table.

. . .

"Hey we're almost out of food, can somebody go on a deer run?"

- Somebody at the first Thanksgiving, probably.

. . .

George Washington: Welcome to The Continental Army young man. Tell me, what is your name?

Lafayette: Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette.

George Washington: ...

George Washington: How would you feel about a nickname?

. . .

George Washington, crossing the Delaware: I THOUGHT YOU SAID "WE  RIDE TOGETHER, WE DIE TOGETHER"!

Alexander Hamilton, turning his boat around: DIE BY YOURSELF, IT'S COLD!

. . .

John Adams: How about we call the president "His Excellency, The President of the United States and Protector of Their Liberties".

Thomas Jefferson: That is the most superlatively ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!

Benjamin Franklin: It's absolutely mad!

James Madison: George, please don't use that!

George Washington:  ...Okay then, the people have spoken. How about we call me anything else?

. . .

"We are very small, and we have no money, so you can imagine the amount of stress we are under."

- The Republic of Indian Stream, asking America for annexation.

. . .

"We've been reading Common Sense by Thomas Paine. 

So men say that we're intense or we're insane. 

You had your revolution, we want a revelation! 

So listen to our declaration: 

'We hold these truths to be self-evident 

That all men are created equal' 

And now that we're assembling, 

We are compelled to include women in the sequel!"

- The Women of the Seneca Falls Convention while composing the Declaration of Rights and Sentiments, probably.

. . .

"Congress never said I could buy Louisiana, but they also never said I couldn't buy Louisiana" - Thomas Jefferson, probably.

. . .

Fanklin Delano Roosevelt: I'd like for you to join the United Nations.

Stalin: No.

Fanklin Delano Roosevelt: Please?

Stalin: No.

Fanklin Delano Roosevelt: If you join I'll help you divide Germany.

Stalin: Deal!

. . .

George Washington: I may not have any children of my own, but I have four beautiful step-children.

Lafayette: Ahem

Alexander Hamilton: Aren't you forgetting something?

George Washington: Ah yes, how could I forget? I also have my two army sons.

. . .

"Join The Sons of Liberty! We have beer!" - Samuel Adams, probably.

. . .

"Don't make me come over there."
- America, during both world wars.

. . .

"I used to be a conquistador like you, until I took an arrow in the knee."
- Juan Ponce de León.

. . .

"Never bring a gun to a cane fight"
- President Andrew Jackson.

. . .

John F. Kennedy: Let me see what you have!

Fidel Castro: Soviet Missiles!

John F. Kennedy: NO!

Robert Kennedy: Oh my God, why does he have missiles?!

. . .

"Four score and seven years ago, our fore fathers decided 'We don't need to address slavery right now' and made it my problem!"

- A very frustrated Abraham Lincoln.