𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 || fandom

Failed (The Simpsons)

A/N: This one-shot is based off of Season 13 Episode 4, in which Monty Burns meets a woman named Gloria on Flag Day and falls in love. Eventually they become engaged, until she reveals herself to be the girlfriend of Snake the Jailbird, and runs off with him. I wrote this one-shot thinking about what would've happened if she HADN'T run off with Snake. So here it is.

"Friends, families, we are gathered here in this church in order to unite these two people, in holy matrimony."

The sound of Reverend Lovejoy's voice echoed off of the walls of the church, reaching the ears of everyone present at the wedding. There were certainly a lot of people there; Monty had invited almost everyone in town to witness his success at finding love. Everyone who worked at the Nuclear Power Plant was there, along with half of Springfield and their families. All of them had been shocked to find that someone truly wanted to marry one of the most hated men in the town, and had to see it to believe that it was actually happening. 

The only one who didn't want to be at this wedding was Monty's assistant, and best man, Waylon Smithers. He stood a short ways away from the altar, only half-listening to the ceremony, lost in thought. If only it was him up there, instead of Gloria. Why did she even want to marry him, anyway? There was no way that she truly loved Monty, the way that Waylon always had. It had to be the money, of course it was. Waylon had tried to explain this to Monty several times, but he'd always dismiss it.

As he gazed out across the crowd of people, he noticed a certain man sitting in the front pew. It was Snake, and he looked extremely happy, more happy than he should be on this day. Gloria had been Snake's girlfriend before she left him for Monty. Why would he be happy, on the day that she was being wed to someone else? Why was he even here?

"Before we continue, is there anyone in this hall right now, that has any reason why these two should not be wed?"

Snake had been charged for several crimes throughout his life, most of them involving thievery. In the brief period that they had been together, it was more than likely that he had influenced Gloria with his wrongdoings. Could it all be a setup, a hoax, just for them to get Monty's money and leave him once it's done? He'd tried to ignore this idea, but, ridiculous as it may be, it had continued to persist in his mind, making him more and more certain that this was true. And now, he was just standing there, doing absolutely nothing, as the plan was being set into motion. There had to be some way for him to stop it.

"And now, by the power invested in me by this church, I now pronounce you two, partners in-"

"I OBJECT!"

Everyone in the church gasped in shock, turning to him as he realized what he had just said. He hadn't meant to say it, but now that he had, there was no way for him to take it back. The congregation began to whisper amongst each other as Monty, Gloria, and Reverend Lovejoy stared at him.

"Wh-" Gloria looked appalled at Waylon's sudden action, while Monty looked confused.

"You missed - you missed the objection bit, we already did that!" Lovejoy protested.

"No, I object anyway!" Waylon shouted as he stormed up to the alter, pushing the priest away.

"Oh, sh- please don't hit me," Lovejoy said, backing away.

"Waylon, what the hell is going on?!" Monty demanded.

"Wh- Why?" stammered a confused and hurt Gloria.

"Get away from her, Monty," Waylon told him, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him off of the alter. "Round here, back in here, come on." Waylon dragged Monty back into an adjacent room at the side of the hall. 

"You're making a mockery of my church!" Lovejoy shouted after them as they shut the door behind them.

The noise of everyone in the church hall was instantly drowned out once Waylon shut the door. He turned to Monty.

"What is going on? What are you doing?!" Monty asked, angry.

"Listen to me," Waylon said, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "And I know how this might sound-"

"You think that Gloria and Snake are plotting to take my money once we are wed, right?" Monty interrupted him. "You think that they're still together, and she's cheating on me with him, and that our wedding, our entire relationship, was all a hoax."

"Exactly!" Waylon said.

"Isn't it obvious, Waylon? You're having ideas being planted in your mind! None of this is real, you're seeing things that just aren't there!"

"Monty, you cannot marry her!" Waylon shouted. "What do you think is more likely; that the ex-girlfriend of a known convict is only marrying you for your money, or that she truly loves you?"

Monty sighed. "Gloria said that you would never let us be happy. I thought she was overreacting, but she's right! Whatever the case is, you are obsessed. Let it go!"

"This is what they wanted..." Waylon said suddenly.

"Now what are you talking about?" Monty asked exasperatedly.

"This! Me bringing you here! They put me on their trail, knowing I'd interrupt the ceremony, knowing that when I told you this, you would never believe me! And when you push me away, then they'll make their move!"

"Waylon, listen to me." Monty said slowly. "I say this as someone who cares about you. Get. Help."

He turned away from his assistant, heading for the door that would return him to the wedding.

"I love you."

Monty stopped in his tracks. He slowly turned back to Waylon with an expression of shock and confusion. "What?!"

"I love you." Waylon repeated. "I've loved you since the moment I saw you. I've never stopped. I should have told you sooner, much sooner than now, but I couldn't. I was ashamed. I knew I had to do something about it, knew I had to set things right. And I did finally gather the courage to tell you. I saw you with her. You were smiling. You looked happy. I couldn't bring myself to go in, and I've regretted it every day since. So please..." Waylon looked up, staring into Monty's eyes. "Don't marry her."

The room was filled with silence. He'd finally done it. He'd confessed to the love of his life. Monty looked down, biting his lip, his breath hitched in his chest. Waylon watched him intently, looking for any hint of emotion in him.

"After the wedding..." Monty said, breaking the silence. "Gloria and I are leaving Springfield forever. I won't be seeing you again."

He looked up, and Waylon saw his expression, filled with pain, shock, and anger. "Monty, I-"

"Damn you," Monty interrupted again, his voice breaking as he tried, and failed, not to cry. "for telling me this now. You come in here with these crazy accusations and when I don't believe them, you pull this? How dare you?!"

"Don't you see?!" Waylon shouted. "They want you to hate me!"

"Well, they succeeded!" Monty's voice sounded hysterical, as tears poured from his eyes. "I don't care if it was intentional or not, they succeeded! Now get the hell out of my way!"

Monty stormed forward, pushing Waylon aside, none too gently, heading for the door. He opened it, and re-entered the church hall, slamming the door behind him. 

Waylon leaned back against the wall where he had been thrown. He blew it. His one opportunity to confess his feelings and he blew it. And to make matters worse, Monty was going back to finish the ceremony, to finish getting married to Gloria. Once they were together officially, he would never see them again, for they would have left Springfield. Monty hated him now. He'd said so himself.

Waylon slid down the wall, and buried his face in his hands. Tears began to fall from his own eyes as he was overcome with grief. The one man he truly loved and cared about, gone. Gone forever, with their last interaction being this. It had been his job to serve him, to protect him, and now he was letting him run off with the ex-girlfriend of a convict, who would rob him of everything he had. There was nothing to be done, nothing he could do. And as he sat there, alone, sobbing, as the sound of the crowd's cheers reached his ears at last, he knew he had failed.