The Magic in Schitts Creek (Originally Named: Schitts Creek)

Carl's Funeral: 1

My new job in the International Magical Accidents and Catastrophes Department had started. I sat at the table with my good quill in hand working on the stack of paperwork that the Ministry sent me. This time there were issues with Canada. A knock sounded at the door. Dad got up from his position and went to get the door. Roland and Jocelyn slugged in silently with a depression aura around them. I placed my quill in my inkpot. 

"Hello," I said. Their cheery mood was nowhere to be found.

"Is everything alright?" Dad asked worriedly. They stepped in and Jocelyn dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

"We've got some sad news." Her voice cracked as she fiddled with the tissue in her hands. Roland wrapped his arm around his wife's waist and looked down for a brief moment.

"Uhh...Someone very close has died." He stated. I sent them a comforting smile and rubbed my tired eyes. I worked through the previous night and I was practically running on low.

"You remember Bob?" Jocelyn asked. I nodded and it all click. His brother Carl! Carl and I met when I stayed here with Alex a few summers back and she introduced the two of us. Carl and I hit it off immediately.

"Carl died?" I interrupted Roland. Jocelyn let out a sob. Roland explained that Carl was Bob's brother. I filled in a bit of the page I had left in and wrapped it around Zephyr's leg. I sent my owl off to New York, where MACUSA is located.

"Well, understandably, Bob is pretty broken up by all of this." Roland sat to my left and Jocelyn sat to my right, "And he asked me to ask you if you'd be willing to be a pallbearer at Carl's funeral and if Evan could say a few words." I sighed and looked at Roland.

"I would love to but I'm swamped. I've got letters and paperwork coming in from everywhere."I answered truthfully. Roland grabbed a banana and Jocelyn put her hand on my shoulder. Roland peeled the banana and put a broken piece of it in his mouth.

"A pallbearer?" Roland nodded in confirmation, "At Carl's funeral? Well, I don't, uh-" He looked around the room and at me.

" He's got back issues. We were just speaking of it." I crossed my arms and glared, " I'd be happy to take his place though." The two started making excuses about Dad's back.

"I don't know what we're going to tell Bob," Jocelyn stated sadly. I grabbed her hand in a comforting manner, "He's going to be so disappointed." 

"Yeah, yeah. Well, life can kick you in the teeth sometimes." Dad bluntly stated. My jaw dropped and I stared wide-eyed. 

"Well, that's not going to help Bob out too much there, Johnny." Roland retorted. Dad hummed.

"Mm, yeah, shouldn't bother Carl." He mumbled. I threw an inkpot cap at his forehead. Roland looked at me wide-eyed.

"That was amazing accuracy, Evan. You wanna be on my baseball team?" I shrugged and nodded as they walked out. I glared at Dad and took my cap back.

"You could at least have shown some sensitivity!" I hissed at them. I slumped back into the seat and picked my quill back up. There was another knock at the door and out of the tops of my eyes, I saw two mops of red hair.

"Evan!" The twins pushed past to me.

"You-" Fred started

"Really need-" George continued.

"To come-" Fred said.

"With us."  They finished. I shook my head. They shared a look and smiled deviously. They turned back to me slowly.

"We'll tell Hermione." They said together. I gasped dramatically and put a cork on the pot.

"You wouldn't dare." I glared at them sharply. Fred and George sniggered and ran out the door. I turned to them.

"I just want you to know I love you all," I said dramatically. Moments later, they came back with my angry girlfriend. 

"Evan! You get up and stop working!" She grabbed my ear and pulled me out of the room. I tried desperately to release myself from her hawk-like grip. 

"Ow," I rubbed my ear, "Y'know we've been dating for four years now and I still learn new things about you," I murmured. She kissed me on the cheek.

"I've got some packing to do." She told me sweetly and skipped off.

"Love you!" I found myself unconsciously calling over my shoulder. Hermione stopped, turned around, and ran to me.  She kissed me with passion.

"Love you too." She whispered before leaving again. I froze before turning to the twins, who had dirty smirks. I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms.

"You needed me?" I asked. They clapped me on the shoulder and guided me into their room. Everything was packed but a sizzling cauldron and some ingredients were thrown about. I walked carefully to the table and looked at the potions book. It was a Draught of Peace.

"You guys screwed this up?" I asked the twins. They nodded and stood behind me staring at the potion cautiously. Glasses and gloves appeared on them. I gave them a look.

"Really?" I asked. They nodded and pushed the ingredients towards me. I rolled my eyes and threw porcupine quills into the potion. A cloud of smoke erupted and the liquid and turned red.

"There. Follow the instructions better." I walked out the door and back to the motel room. I pushed the door open and slipped in. Mother and Dad weren't there so I assumed that they went to breakfast. I finished writing a few more letters and put them in their respective envelopes. My head started to spin and black dots danced in my vision. I passed out from lack of sleep in the chair.