Forgotten

Part 57

Alyssa's POV:

I woke up the next morning with a huge headache, hung over as a mother fucker.  Then  suddenly, all of the events of last night came crashing back; hitting me like a ton of bricks.

"Fuck", I muttered, as I crawled out of bed, replaying what had happened with Maddie last night.  And all I could think of was, why the fuck did we do that?  And I know we were drunk and everything, but still.  Now everything was all fucked up.  And what was even more so, was that I felt confused, and not sure of what to make of everything, or how I even felt about what had happened.

I took a long, hot shower and tried to clear my head.  

'Now what?', I thought to myself.   What the fuck now?  

And honestly, I didn't know what to think.  Was I happy about what happened? Or upset about it?  Did I regret what happened?  Or was I glad about it?  I honestly didn't know.  And a large part of that was because I didn't know how she felt or how she was going to react.  Because today was a new day.  We were both now clear headed, and this morning could potentially shed a very different light on things.  Which could be good or bad.

Then all of a sudden, I had the overwhelming sense of dread, at the mere thought of having to face her.  It was something I wasn't sure I was ready to do.  Because I knew no matter what, things were probably going to be awkward.  And maybe even tense.   And I absolutely hated tense, awkward, fucked up situations.  More than anything.  Which exactly what this was.  

I stood there for a long time, not knowing what to do, or what to even say to her.  Should we sit down and talk about it?  Should I apologize?  Or maybe I should act like it never happened.  Act like I was drunk and don't even remember.  I was so fucking confused.

Then suddenly it hit me.  I needed to talk to Nichole.  I needed her help, and I knew she would know what to do.  

I got dressed and made my way to the living room, and part of me was hoping Maddie wasn't up yet, so maybe I wouldn't have to face her, just yet.

But sure enough, there she was, sitting on the couch, playing with her phone.  She looked up at me as I entered the room.  And I  took one look at her, and immediately felt awkward.  I had no idea where my head was at, and I knew I wasn't ready to deal with this.  Not just yet.  

And that's what I did with all the problems in my life.  If I had a problem, I avoided it.  Or acted like it never happened.  I blew things off.  Let things go, and just hoped they went away.  And up until now, it has always worked perfectly to handle things like that, so why change now?

"Hey", she said, apprehensively.

"Hey", I said back, avoided any eye contact.  And as quickly as I could, I grabbed my coat and keys.

"Where are you going?" she asked, looking at me, with a confused look on her face.

"Uhhh.  I'm gonna go out for a little bit.  There's like... some shit I have to do", I said, making up excuses.

"Like what?" she asked, clearly knowing I wasn't be straight with her.

"I have to... go get some stamps, and envelopes and shit."

She looked at me, clearly knowing I was lying.

"Yeah, I have to like... write a bunch of letters, and well... I gotta go", I said, opening up the door and leaving, before she could say anything. 

I immediately felt better being out of the apartment, because things already felt tense between us, and the last thing I wanted to do was to risk saying or doing the wrong thing and making things even worse.