Dark Days (BillxDipper)

LV

AN: TRIGGER CHAPTER!!! SELF HARM, BLOOD, DEPRESSION, TRIGGER, TRIGGER, TRIGGER!!!!!!! Full credit to artist~~

~Mabel's POV~

     It's been almost 3 weeks now and I still haven't left the shack, but I've lost hope that Bill and Dipper are ever coming back. I refuse to leave the shack, but I've finally started trying to do things again. Wendy left about a week ago, unable to stay any longer, needing to go to work. It was terrible being home by myself those first few days, but I'm slowly growing used to it. Feeling that I'll need to get used to being alone from now on. I've talked to Candy and Grenda a few times to keep them updated, but I'm really having a hard time. I've been feeling depressed and hopeless. It's like there's a dead space in my chest and it gives a harsh pain when i think about Dipper. 

     I decide that I want to drink some of Dipper's last beers in the fridge. I kept them for the longest time so he would have them when he came back but I've given up on ever seeing him again and I really just need something to drown the depression and pain; something to distract me. I grab two of them and go upstairs and take a bubble bath. I practically down the first beer. Maybe I should have grabbed a few of them. I have never felt so alone before. Wendy has really been trying hard to keep my spirits up, but it's all been in vain. I feel like my heart has died and the only reason I'm still here is that my lungs refuse to stop pumping air. 

     The water is nice and hot, full of foam. I open up the second beer then undress and get in the tub. I feel the tears stream down my face. I haven't been able to sleep much lately and I've been trapped inside my own head with no escape and no answers. It's been almost three weeks, if not longer, since Bill disappeared from my porch to go after Dipper. I haven't heard a single thing from Bill since he disappeared. I've lost hope of Dipper coming back. He's gone... He's probably dead... And Bill ditched me. 

     I thought that maybe Bill cared about my brother, but apparently he didn't care that much. He must have decided it was too much of a pain to save him and bounced. Ejected himself from the equation. I stare at the ceiling, letting my dark thoughts swirl around my mind and the tears stream down my cheeks, beer pouring into my hollow gut, warming me in the emptiest way possible. 

     Before I know what I'm doing, my hand moves on its own and I grab the empty beer bottle and smash it against the wall with my free hand. I look at the shards of glass that rained down, feeling sharp bits poking me in the tub. I feel numb to it though. I take a large gulp of the unsmashed beer still in my hand and grab a large curved shard of glass from the foamy water. I stare at it, contemplating. But I soon realize I've already made up my mind. 

     I set the unfinished beer on the side of the tub and wipe the foam from the large piece of glass. I see the tears pouring down my cheeks in the warped reflection of the curved glass and my chest aches with pain and unanswered questions. The madness of the unknown plaguing me. I bite my lips and press the piece of glass to my wrist. It sinks in and I wince at the sting as I slowly slice across my skin. 

     That should do it. I watch the blood gush from my wrist, dripping into my bath water. The bubbles soaking in the pretty red, looking like a mosaic. I never knew my pain could create something so pretty. I place my sliced wrist in the water and watch the water slowly gather the blood. I take another swig of the beer, nursing it as the water pulls my life out of my wrist. I rest my head back against the tub and listen to the bubbles popping gently in the tub. 

    Out of nowhere I hear a crash downstairs and footsteps coming up the stairs. I sink lower in the tub, suddenly afraid of whoever it might be. What if it's Wendy? What if she sees what I've done? Forgive me Wendy, but I just can't take it anymore. I've accepted that Dipper's not coming back, and now... Neither am I.

     "Shooting Star? You here?" A mans voice asks. I recognize the nick name before the voice. It's Bill. I am conflicted. Should I call to him? Or should I just let him fuck off... He abandoned me and my brother, what the hell does he want? I decide to tell him exactly that. To fuck off, but my voice doesn't want to work. I can't even seem to open my jaw. When I look down at the water with sleepy eyes I notice just how red it is. Well that's fine then, I don't have to tell him to fuck off, he'll figure it out when I don't answer him. 

     I close my eyes and relax in my still, warm water. I wish I had finished the beer though, but whatever. I'll be seeing Dipper soon enough, wherever he is. My spirit will find him, but I just can't take this pain anymore. And now I don't have to. I feel more tears fall down my cheeks and my lip quivers as I smile. I vaguely hear the nickname for me again and the door to the bathroom slamming open but I couldn't care less now. 

I'm coming Dipper... Wait for me...