Dark Days (BillxDipper)

XIII

AN: Full credit to the artist~~

     Little did Grunkle Stan know, I retrieved the necklace from the trash and stashed it in the strange book, I had been trying to recreate the page covered in ink to decipher the text, but it was harder than I had imagined it would be. None of it made any sense and I wasn't sure what to do next, but I continued to work at it. Mabel had become increasingly worried and oddly enough had stopped trying to find the man I danced with. I was thankful because after I realized it was the man I danced with who was tormenting me, whenever she would point out a blonde my blood would run cold and my stomach would drop in fear, praying it wasn't Bill. Mercifully it never was, he only seemed to corner me when I least expected or was vulnerable. Though strangely, not that I'm complaining, he hadn't been coming around in my dreams as much, but I almost always felt his unnatural eyes on me, watching... waiting... I shivered and tried to stop thinking about it. 

     "Dipper? Do you want to come to the skating rink with me, Candy and Grenda? It's adult night" She asked me through my bedroom door. I hadn't left my room in days, I was irritated at the thought of leaving, but her voice brought me to my senses for a moment and I looked around my room. Paper, crumpled and balled up, littered the floor, desk and my bed. Ink, pens and scribbled-on paper scattered everywhere in every inch of the room, I have markings drawn on the walls in chalk, it smelled and the light was dim, so many burned down candles and solidified wax everywhere I looked, and books thrown around haphazardly. I considered Mabel's offer for a moment, hesitating. I needed to figure this summoning out, needed to decipher the page, but I felt like I was loosing my mind. Whether to fear, obsession or my tormentor I wasn't entirely sure. Probably all of the above now that I think about it. When was the last time I had stepped outside? When was the last time I had a shower and something decent to eat? When was the last time I saw Mabel and Stan's faces? 

     The last thought hardened my stomach and I felt completely ashamed. I hadn't answered her yet but I knew she was still on the other side of my locked door. I felt an urge to cry, but I shoved it down and walked to the door. My legs had cramped from sitting on the floor for who knows how long and I stumbled around like a drunk for a moment before I unlocked the door. I heard Mabel's feet shuffle a bit and I cracked the door open and peeked out at her. She wore a smile but as soon as she looked at me I felt shame again. The worry and concern on her face, her wonderful smile that always used to cheer me, dropped like a heavy stone and she looked terrified of my state and what little she could see of my room. "Dipper what's......" She started but thankfully, and yet disappointingly, dropped her questions and forced a smile on her face. "Do you want to come with us to go skating? It might cheer you up? It might be good for you" She suggested, her voice quiet and practically begging. I had already decided I would. 

     "Yeah I'll come, I think you might be right... When are you leaving?" I ask her, my voice harsh and raspy from lack of use and I coughed a little at how rough my words were in my throat. When was the last time I had any water? "I was planning on leaving in 15 minutes but I can wait a little longer if you want?" She said, a glimmer of hopefulness spread in her cheeks giving a comforting glow as a real, albeit small, smile crept up her lips. "If you don't mind waiting, can you give me maybe 30 minutes? An hour tops... I need to shower" I said and it was very true, I don't even want to think about how I smelled or looked. She gave me a true grin and nodded eagerly, "Of course! However long it takes! I'll let the girls know" She said happily and relieved. She started to turn away but stopped and stood for a moment, thinking quietly. Then she turned back to me and the worry showed on her face again and I feared what she would say. "Dipper... Are you doing okay? Is there anything... anything at all I can do to help you?" She asked, almost shy like she was worried about setting me off. And unfortunately she was right to be worried, but I wasn't mad. I know she's concerned. I was doing so well for a minute, had pulled myself out of the darkness, but that fucking Bill had come back and sent me into a deeper state of depression and it was so unhealthy it was ridiculous and surprising that I was still here. 

     I hated seeing the fear for me in her eyes when she looked at me and I felt incredibly guilty.... and loved. I shut my eyes for a moment, contemplating what to say. "I... I don't know yet.... I'll be ready as soon as I can" I say and slowly shut the door, unable to look at the hurt in her eyes. I heard a small sniffle from the other side of the door and after a moment, her gentle footsteps faded away. "It's not nice to make your sister worry so much." A voice whispered playfully in my head. Reflexively I slapped the side of my head, hard, as if trying to swat away a pesky insect that tried crawling in my ear. Stars danced in front of my eyes for a moment at how hard I hit myself, I had tried to rid the voice but just felt stupid and growled under my breath angrily but the voice only laughed, amused at the action. I ignored him and gathered some clothes, walking on top of every scrap of paper and book. I needed to eat something, I needed to drink something, I needed air, I needed to get out of this room and away from the freak obsession with this bullshit. I needed a distraction... I needed Mabel.