Gold to Airy Thinness Beat

Chapter One

Note: This is my own headcanon and 100% just my own ideas but I always wondered at the movie and why Phillips refused to use Steve after the serum worked. The line about needing an army and only getting Steve and him not being enough just seemed bizarre - like saying, "Well, I needed ten tanks and all I got was one so I'm not going to use the one I did get because I wanted more than one" or like saying, "my car was damaged and the insurance company is only going to pay for half of the damages to be fixed but I need twice that amount so I'm just going to refuse ALL the money instead of taking what they're offering and trying to figure out the rest". It just seemed weird to me, BUT then I was thinking what if it turned out Steve was actually a female pretending to be a man and they didn't find out until after the serum? Now you've got the military being defrauded and tricked, they're embarrassed, they've got proverbial egg on their face, they're angry, AND it's a woman on top of that who, in that era, most certainly did not fight and, trying to put her out there, might be seen as an embarrassment to those who are used to only having men fight. So, to me (and, again, this is just me) it actually makes more sense to have a female Steve being rejected from fighting after the serum works rather than a male Steve. SO, all that said, that's what gave me the idea for this interpretation and that's the base headcanon I'm writing the story off of. I hope you all enjoy it! :D

"You were what?" Stephanie asked, unable to keep the shock from her voice.

Bucky grinned at her, the fake one he used when he was trying to convince everyone, including himself, that everything was fine when it was anything but.

"Drafted," the words were like a death knell, the light around them dimming at the sound. "I'm going to fight."

"No, Bucky," Stephanie blurted. Bucky. No one would call him that in the military, her mind informed her irrationally. No one would know him well enough, would understand the history, the character and the personality that created the man she knew as Bucky. In the military he'd simply be a name and a number. James Buchanan Barnes, a soldier, more fodder for a war that seemed destined to never end.

Her voice had been louder than she'd intended and several patrons in the small diner turned to look at her in disapproval. Stephanie ignored them. She wasn't in the mood to be a quiet, demure lady who sat and held her tongue while the only family, blood or otherwise, she had left told her about being drafted into a war that seemed to have a talent at taking living men from their homes and returning them in body bags.

His grin faltered and that did get her attention. She took a deep breath, trying to get herself under control. She doubted it would fool him any more than his attitude fooled her but they both played the game regardless. "Have you received your orders yet?" She managed to keep her voice steady with only the slightest hint of tension.

"No," he said, his eyes moving away from hers to some random point in the diner, "but it won't be long."

Stephanie felt sick. Bucky was exactly what they wanted in a soldier, fit, athletic and in amazing health. Not a single physical, or personality, defect to get rejected over. He was attractive too, the steady stream of girls constantly swarming him was testament to that. Even then Stephanie was aware of at least four in the diner who couldn't keep their eyes off him and two more who were trying to sneak glances when they thought their dates weren't looking. Bucky would be the one the cameras would gravitate to, the reels in the theaters using him to showcase the armed forces. It might work in his favor, might keep him safer as one of the faces of the armed forces...or it might not.

The two of them were as different as night and day. Even if her medical file didn't read like an Encyclopedia of Disease she was too small, too fragile and delicate and, most of all, too female. She'd never added her sex to her list of physical defects before but, right then, it seemed the most glaring one. From the beginning she'd been struck by the video reels in the theaters, images of the Nazis and terrified civilians, soldiers marching forward to meet evil. She'd thought then that, were she a man, she'd have signed up, volunteered to fight. As it was, the only options open to her were nursing which she wasn't trained for, or a secretary which simply wasn't what she wanted. Now, with the knowledge that Bucky would soon be sent off without her, a face suddenly given to the mass of faceless soldiers she watched in the theaters, the war suddenly far more personal than it'd ever been before, the unfairness of it all hit home even harder. Why should she have to stay behind when she wanted to go while he had to go when he wanted to stay?