Gold to Airy Thinness Beat

Chapter Nineteen

Stephanie was in an unpleasant mood. She'd slept poorly and had awakened to a sore back and a crick in her neck that refused to go away. Then, to make matters worse, she'd gone to the mess hall, located below the living quarters where she was deep enough she felt like a mole person, only to find Bucky wasn't there.

She would have looked like an idiot standing around waiting for him and she couldn't go get him because, going by the rumors she'd been hearing of late, it wouldn't do much for Lady Liberty's reputation. Granted, Bucky was married to her so it wasn't like she was actually carrying on an affair with a married man as the rumors claimed but no one knew that and perception was often far more important than the truth.

So now she was on her way to see Stark sans Bucky, her best friend, who she'd promised could come with her to meet Howard and she was being kept away from going and waking him up -- her best friend, who she'd known her entire life -- thanks to salacious rumors being spread about the two of them by people neither of them even knew.

Well, Bucky didn't know. Stephanie didn't have a doubt in her mind who the source of the rumors was and it was taking everything she had not to go hunt down Hodge and throw him through a damn wall. She got it; he was disappointed in not being selected for Erskine's program; he didn't think she deserved it, and on and on and on but, really, at some point she would have thought he'd grow the hell up and get over it.

Clearly, she'd been putting far too much faith in the man.

What was worse was that her real source of anger wasn't even Hodge being true to form or the fact that idiotic rumors were being spread. What annoyed her was the simple fact that Bucky, in some way shape or form, was off limits to her. She couldn't go see him when she wanted and that was eating at her. It made her think of things she would rather ignore, like the notion of Bucky someday being married and not to her but to someone else and that woman being the one who got to see him whenever she wanted and got to go with him wherever he went and got to do all the things she had always done but wouldn't be able to do any longer. She'd be left behind in the shadows, a best friend from childhood he talked to on occasion, maybe sent a Christmas or birthday card to sporadically, when he remembered.

Thinking about it made her feel physically ill.

She understood that, logically, she wasn't being entirely rational. They were in the middle of a war about to take on Hydra, it was highly unlikely Bucky was spending his time thinking about marriage.

Not to mention there weren't all that many women around for him to think about anyway. That thought recalled the nurse from back in camp and Stephanie felt her scowl deepen. At least that woman had been left behind when they had set off for London and Stephanie didn't have to worry about some other woman making eyes at her husband who very clearly had his ring on.

Not that he belonged to her of course, and therein lay the entire problem. Bucky wasn't hers. He wore a ring that symbolized he was and there was a wedding certificate that said the same but none of it was real and no matter what Peggy or Tony or anyone else said there had been no promises between them. There might not be a lot of women around now but one day there would be. He'd been very popular back in New York, a fact that had never bothered her before, but which bothered the hell out of her now.

Suddenly the thought of locking him in her closet again like she'd done when she was six didn't seem like quite so unreasonable an idea.

She reached the elevator and got in, the door sliding shut behind her and leaving her blessedly alone for a few moments. Stephanie leaned against the back wall, her arms crossed and tried to get herself into a more composed mood, or at least the appearance of one. She couldn't afford to give anyone the idea that she was anything less than perfectly in control. There were enough people already who wanted her gone, the very last thing she needed was to give them ammunition.