Gold to Airy Thinness Beat

Chapter Thirty-Five

"Please tell me you aren't going to Howard's presentation in the clothes you were training in an hour ago."

"I'm not going to his presentation period." Bucky looked up from the files he had spread out over a desk in a forgotten corner of the Strategy Room. A couple shelves almost completely blocked the space off from the rest of the room, leaving only the chatter of those nearby to carry over. Carter was leaning against one of the shelves, wearing a red dress and heels, arms crossed.

"Aren't you the one who keeps complaining that I'm not resting enough?" Bucky added when it became clear she had no intention of backing down.

She gave a pointed look at the files. "Trying to find the last installation by staring at reports until your eyes bleed is not resting."

"Critical," Bucky muttered, looking back down at the papers. "You're not my mother you know."

"I should hope not," Carter said, sounding insulted. "We aren't that far apart in age."

"Then why do you keep trying to mother me?" Bucky said in annoyance. He had a file open in front of him and held another in his hand, frowning as he tried to make sense of the two.

"You happen to be the husband of a woman I considered a dear friend," Carter said. "I consider trying to keep her husband from driving himself into the ground as honoring her memory." She hesitated. "I also consider you a friend, not that you don't take every opportunity to push everyone around you away."

"It's easier that way," Bucky said absentmindedly, focused on the file.

"For who?" Carter demanded. "Us or you?"

That finally got her attention and looked up at her, startled,

"What are you going to do after the last installation is gone?" she asked, a knowing tone in her voice. "Once Hydra is defeated?"

"Take my girl home," Bucky said without hesitation.

"And then?" Carter pressed.

"I don't know," Bucky lied. "I try not to think about it."

Tried not to think of the yawning abyss waiting at the edge of his mind for the moments when he had nothing to occupy his time. He felt no tug toward it, no pull on a day to day basis. There was no need for it, it would claim him in due time. After he'd completed his mission, taken down the bastards who'd stolen his girl from him, brought her back home to rest where she belonged...after, when there would no longer be anything standing between him and that pit...

He didn't know.

"I don't have to tell you she'd want you to move on," Carter said gently.

"And yet you will anyway," Bucky retorted. He set the files down and gave her his full attention. "I told her once there was no getting over her. I meant it then and I mean it now." He gave a helpless shrug. "At some point along the way she wrote herself into my blood, and there's no way she's ever coming out."

And that was how he wanted it.

In life or death, he was hers, and always would be.

Carter sighed. "I've been thinking. Hydra's big, bigger than I think anyone realizes, and continuing to grow every day."

"So what?" Bucky asked in confusion.

"So," Carter said pointedly, "they're named after a mythical beast that grows a new head, or three, every time you chop one off. They aren't going away if we remove Schmidt. They'll simply grow another head."

Bucky leaned forward on his arms. "What are you getting at?"

"Right now, you're technically on loan from the Army," Carter frowned. "What if we made it permanent?"