10. Cradle to the Grave

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Bulbul:

I was sitting on the couch in the living room of Mehra Bari, my surroundings were eerily quiet. Alia di sat next to me, holding my shoulder gently, while 'mumma' sat on the sofa opposite, looking lost and dazed. Di stood between us near the coffee table, arms locked into her chest, not a shred of tear in her eyes, not a hint of guilt; beside her stood Abhi, the man I was about to get married to today; under ordinary circumstances, we were scheduled to start 'Haldi' ceremony in another hour, but now that seems like a distant dream. I looked up wiping the tears with the back of my palm to notice Suresh there too, he looked just as shocked as the rest of us; but I was done crying, I had a few questions to ask – not to Di; not anymore to her – she was no one to me. Not anymore, anyway. In fact why am I not surprised, isn't she exactly capable of just this? That woman didn't know happiness, and didn't let an iota of happiness spread where she set her foot. Today I had questions for my very dear mother. I wanted answers from her. I looked straight at her asked, calmly.

"Mumma, so what do we do now? Get Pragya to leave Suresh and get her married to Abhi instead?"

"Wha—t? What are you sayi—ng Mish betaji; have you any idea what you jus—" my mother stammered in shock and incomprehension; my statement earned a gasp from Alia di too, but I didn't care.Pragya's head shot up at me, but she didn't say anything, she looked visibly irked, I wondered was it because of my suggestion or for the fact that for the first time in my life, I called her by her name; she wasn't Di anymore, I didn't respect her anymore, she was just another characterless woman from the heap of rubbish you find in the roadside.

"That is, provided Pragya wants to marry Abhi of course. I mean marriage is after all a high price to pay for her frivolity, nah? Maybe she just wants a 'fuck buddy'? Then we let her have it that way, right 'mumma'?" I asked quietly, voice calm and measured. My mother just stared at my choice of words with saucer like round eyes and opened her mouth to argue but no words came out.

"Mish, look I know you are upset and rig---" began Abhi, clearly rattled at the insult I threw at Pragya; so this was deep from his side, I realised spitefully, and his protectiveness towards her was capable of literally burning the skin of my body with envy.

"Not a word from you Abhi Mehra. Not now. This is family matter" I told him with a flat authoritative tone; he was about to argue back, but Pragya held his wrist. He listened to her and kept quiet, this little act of intimacy and communication riled lava inside me, but I kept calm, for some reason all my hate was channeling towards 'mumma' right now.

"So 'mumma' we will let her have her way, right? Like we always do? There's the last piece of leftover pizza in the fridge Mish, let Di have, she really likes it, else she will be hurt, you see she doesn't have a 'mumma' and she doesn't consider me one too" I mimicked my mother, narrating an incident from the childhood, one of many. Both 'mumma' and Pragya's head shot up at me, but there was no stopping me that day.

"Betaji, the phone that Di chose, it's very expensive, let her have it, I will get you one next year Diwali, pakka promise. Anyway Di goes out alone, you don't nah, she needs it more. You can use my one now." I muttered, I knew I sounded incoherent at this point, but I didn't care, it had to come out today. My mother looked pale and Pragya seemed to roll her eyes.

"Betaji, 'badi-ma' had chosen Suresh for her not you, respect their wish, please let Di marry Suresh. Did it matter to you 'mumma' that I loved him? Did this matter that in fact Suresh loved me too? What mattered was bowing down to Pragya's wish so she didn't hate you. Why was it so important for you to win her approval 'mumma'? Who was she? Every single time she got what she wanted and me? I didn't stop you, I let her marry the one man I truly ever wanted, you'd think then this 'bitch' would be in peace? No but years later, when I find another man to move on in life with, she wants him too! So I'm asking you 'mumma' what do we do, do we follow the drill? Give Pragya what she wants?" I asked looking towards my mother. As tears profusely escaped her eyes, no words escaped her lips, I was in a dilemma, a part of me wanted to run and hug her, but another part was so damn angry at her, that part didn't care, and that part wasn't done.

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