Hagrid is a sugar daddy

Oh no

I rub my eyes hoping to go back to dream land unaware of my surroundings until I hear a loud thud on my door.

It's probably draco asking for his tampon back I say in my head

"Ugh come in" I mumble loud enough for the person outside to hear

In approaches a small elf like creature with a purple hat on.

"Who are you freakish little creature?" I ask

"DOBBY! DOBBY THE HOUSE ELF BUT NOW FREE BECAUSE OF SIR HAROLD!" Screamed the elf.

"Ummm ok why are you hear?" I reply

"TO TELL YOU TO BACK OFF HAGRID. ME AND HIM ARE IN A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP AND YOU ARE GETTING IN THE WAY OF OUR MARRIAGE!" He shouted and with that he walloped me across the face and ran out.

What was all that and why did that freak slap me hagrid said he was single. Did he lie to me? Is he in a lesbian relationship with dobby and getting married? I don't know what to do.