Luna? No sir i'm a Marine

Something that can wash off the pain

A slight breeze ran over me, waking me from my slumber. I began to fidget, feeling around for the blanket to pull over my head. My entire body went rigid as the memories for yesterday came flooding back. My eyes shot open and I didn't even dare breathe. I completely forgot about Luke's wound. I gently pushed the pillow back to be met with an empty bed. My heart dropped and I don't know why. I guess i've become too used to waking up in his arms, secure and safe. Today of all days I wake up alone, the day i'm in need of assurance.

I scanned the room and my eyes lingered on the alarm clock. Wow I slept in, it's 10am. My eyes then caught my reflection in the mirror. I stood up, wobbling and walked towards it. As my eyes adjusted, the details cleared and I became more frightened. Approaching the mirror I ran my fingers through my hair, gently touched my face and eventually looked down at my hands and clothes. Their normal colour barely even visible due to the red stain that seemed to cover me from head to toe.

My stomach began to turn as I felt disgusted. I ran to the bathroom, turning on the shower. I didn't even check the temperature. I just climbed in, trying to wash everything away. The pain, the memories, the blood. I let the water beat down on me as I stood there fully dressed staring blankly at the wall. My skin began to itch as I felt the desire to scrub my arms raw run through me. I grabbed a flannel and began my assault.

I watched as the now slightly red water ran down my body and into the drain. That was it. I broke down. I made no attempt to stop the now free flowing tears. I leaned forward and rest my head against the wall, wrapping my arms around myself for some comfort. My hair fell like a curtain around me. It was matted together with blood and dirt. I tried to run my fingers through it but it was a pathetic attempt at detangling it.

I rested my two hands flush against the wall of the shower and pushed myself until I was standing upright. Once stabilised I took a step back and tilted my head. With my eyes closed I enjoyed the sensation of the water running through my hair and down my spine.

It was peaceful until I was met with harsh flashbacks, from yesterday and from times I'd rather forget. The water washing away my sins, my guilt as the scenes are on reply in my mind. I will myself not to cry, i'm done with crying. I've had my quota for the month. People say crying isn't a sign of weakness but a sign of staying strong for too long. Never the less crying doesn't solve anything. To me crying shows vulnerability, something I never wish to broadcast.

The painful images are halted as I feel arms around my waist. They are clearly not mine as mine are raised above my head in my hair. I drop my arms and my eyes fly open, slightly panicked. The sight in front of me makes me weak at the knees. Once again I find myself staring into the crystal blue eye that changed my life, the eyes I thought i'd never see again. Luke stood at his full height, towering above me. His eyebrows knitted together in concern.

Looking into his eyes the water wasn't the only thing rushing over me, I couldn't control my emotions. He brings out the soft side of me. When i'm with him i'm not the cold, strong marine that I used to be instead i'm an emotional girl wanting to be loved. For years I held onto my anger, I never showed pain. It's a sign of weakness and I couldn't let people think I was weak. I was shot, I was tortured, i've watched friends die and I have killed people but not once did I cry. I pushed myself harder telling myself that i'm doing this for my country.

But Luke.........But Luke has brought out a side of me I never knew existed. Brick by brick he's tearing my walls down. Watching him.......well die sparked this. That's how I got here, leaning into Luke's chest sobbing like a baby in the shower.

Luke whispered sweet nothings in my ear and he pulled me close. My sopping clothes sticking to me like a second skin contrasting to his warm slightly damp chest.