In the Absence of Light

27

Ivy

"Ivy, wait!" Isaac follows me out into the hallway, and out of the building. But I'm not walking fast enough. He catches up with ease, walking alongside me at the same speed. "I shouldn't have fucking said that. I'm so fucking sorry."

"I don't want to hear it," I shake my head.

"I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what I was thinking. I was just pissed off."

"We were in the middle of class!" I pause in my step, glaring up at him. "Why would you even bring that up?"

"I don't know! I was pissed off! This prison shit is personal for me!"

"Then you're the one with the fucking bias!" I accuse.

"Yeah, I fucking know that," he scoffs. "I shouldn't have said that. I was just fucking heated, okay? I wasn't thinking."

"Clearly."

It was unnecessary and uncalled for. I didn't realise I cared about his opinion, but what he said hurt—like he was using what happened against me.

"Don't act like you're all innocent, though, either. You completely twisted my words and you know it!"

"Yeah, well, I was hurt."

"Why? I didn't do anything to you. I was just saying–."

"I just–," I cut him off. "I took it personally, okay? It felt like you were on their side—like you didn't think those boys deserve to go to prison!"

"Ivy, come on," he snickers. "Why the fuck would I think that? Can't you see I fucking care about you?"

"No, I don't know you. You could be lying for all I know."

"Jesus fucking Christ," he shakes his head. "Seriously? I'm not that much of an asshole."

"How am I supposed to know that? I don't even know you!"

"You know enough."

"No, I don't think I do. You just leave these breadcrumbs around and expect me to be okay with you involving yourself in my business."

"I am not fucking involving myself," he snickers.

"Yes, you are. You sat next to me in class, you followed me to group therapy, you warned the guys from Sigma Gamma Phi–."

"Yeah, because I fucking care!"

"But why?"

"Why do I need a reason? Is being a decent human being not good enough for you?"

"No," I state. "It's not."

He can claim to be a good person all he wants, but I don't know that. I don't know him. I don't know what his values are. But I do know that nobody else has reacted the way he has except for my family. For all I know, he feels guilty. He may have more to do with what happened than I know.

"Didn't I tell you this shit is personal to me?" he argues. "Didn't I say you're not the first I know who went through this shit?"

"But that's so vague, Isaac. It doesn't really tell me anything. You could be involved, for all I know!"

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes!"

"You really don't fucking trust me, do you?"

"No! Of course, I don't! How could I?"

"Fine! You want to know why I care so much?"

"Yes!"