The problem with love...

Chapter 13 / head and heart

"I've been in love with Penny for over three years. I've never told anyone, but my best friends quickly figured it out. Since then, I've had to keep hearing, how incapable I'm in dealing with love things. And there was right.... I confesses my love to her just a few days ago. My heart thought, it was the right time. My head would have done it differently", Sam said and looked at Ellie.

"Was that the story?"

"No, rather a little prehistory", he laughed.

"And when you will tell it?", she asked a little impantiently.

"Now... Like I said, I had a crush on Penny. I thought, I might have a chance with her someday, until Ben came to Pontypandy. And it couldn't be overlooked, that Penny found him very attractive. She wasn't the only woman, who found him attractive, but it hurt me... I had to accept, that I was probably just a colleague to her. So I decided to go looking again. In short, I wanted womans to date again, because I didn't want to live my life alone. Whenever possible, I went to bars and discos to meet womens. I approached a lot of them, complimented them and flirted with them. It often went so far, that at some point I kissed them. I can't count the number of women I've kissed, but it's been a lot. Anyway, there never was more than a kiss, because it didn't feel right. I often got one or two slaps for it", he laughed at himself.

"And what did you do then?"

"I definitely deserve it! I gave them false hopes. I actually deserved more slaps for it... I didn't understand, why I just can't have something with someone else, why I can't just love someone else. I thought about it a little longer, until I realized it", Sam paused.

"Sam? What did you realized?"

"I realized, it was my head, that wanted to love someone else, but my heart wouldn't give up on Penny, just because it looked like she loved someone else! My head wanted forget Penny, but my heart still loved her. I could have kissed so many other women then. I would realize that and I would stop breaking other women's hearts unnecessarily. That was really stupid... That wasn't okay", he explained and Ellie just looked at him with wide eyes.

 "I have to admit, that I can't imagine, how you flirt with women in a bar", Ellie laughed and Sam laughed with her.

"Maybe I was a little desperate."

"Why did you tell me that? I mean, why me of all people?"

"Because I wanted to explain you, that you already love someone else", he winked.

"I don't understand..."

"Your head wanted to love someone else, your head wanted to love me. But that couldn't work, because your heart also has a word to say. Your heart loves someone, but your head you're not good enough for him. Your head is trying to protect you."

"What does my head want to protect me from?"

"It wants to protect you from getting hurt, it wants to protect you from a broken heart. But your heart doesn't want to stop loving him and it creates mixed feelings in you. From anger and jealousy to hope and understanding."

"But I should know, if my heart loves someone, right?"

"Believe me Ellie, you know that", Sam giggled and pointed to the stairs and Arnold was going down.

"No! Arnold is my best friend. I can't have a crush on him! How do you even want to know?!", Ellie asked, slightly panicked.

"I can only tell you, what I see. If you want an excat answer to that, ask your heart. It never lies", he winked, getting up the floor. "Come on, we still have work to do today."

"Alright Sam ... and thanks."

"No problem, but you should also apologize to Penny. That was really wrong."

"Yeah I know... Can I talk to her directly? I can still check the equipment afterwards."

"All right Ellie, do it", Sam smiled, as Ellie walked towards Penny.

Ellie got a little nervous, when she stood in front of Penny, who looked at her somewhat confussed. She was afraid of losing her best friend, and all because of her feelings, that she had no control over.

"Penny..... I'm so sorry for what I did. I should never have done anything. I feel awful and I can understand, if you don't want to have anything more to do with me", Ellie said sadly and looked at Penny with tears in her eyes.

She hasn't said anything yet, that scared her. Penny just looked at her, until she hugged Ellie to show her, that she wasn't mad at her anymore.

"Everything is fine, Ellie. I can understand, that we don't always know, what we're doing."

"You can really forgive me?!"

"Yes Ellie I can, but you could still do something." Ellie just looked at her questioningly. " Finally listen to your heart", she smiled and immediately saw Ellie blush. 

"How do you know, what we were talking about?"

"I could Already guess", she winked. "The way you looked suprised, I knew that Sam was telling you that story. I already had to listen to them. Also, you would be very red, when Arnold went down the stairs."

"Maybe you're right...."

"Probably we're right. And now, it's time to go back to work ladies", Sam said, as he walked over to them. 

"Yes boss, we're already to start", Penny laughed, while she shook her head.

"Nice, that we understand each other, my love?!"

"Come on Penny, before mister fireman Sam gets angry", Ellie said sarcastically and now it was Sam's turn to shook his head. Both went to the equipment cabinet to further check the equipment.

"It's nice, that they made up", Arnold said, as he went to Sam to give him a checklist.

"I agree with you, Arnold. Now everything can only get better...."

I'm sorry, that it took a little longer, but I still had a few school things to do and so I had little time to continue writing. The last chapter will probably come on Wednesday :) Until then, have a nice day and stay healthy ;)