Lust For Life (Angela Weber & Embry Call)

Chapter 4.

I flipped through the parched papers of my lesson plan for the coming school year. Even though it was still summer, I liked to get ahead for my brand new class that will be filled with excitement and the smell of new erasers. The kids were the best part of my job, they were like my own. Each of them were individual in their own way, they taught me so much about human beings and development in general. The care I had for them and their education was unmatched. I always wanted to be the best teacher and mentor I could be for them. I scoured the Internet for days searching up things like; fun ways to learn, fun lesson plans for 3rd Graders, how to make Math not boring.. 

Who was I kidding? I couldn't make Math fun, because I hated Math myself. 

I rubbed my legs against my suede gray couch intently staring at my MacBook through my glasses. I was so used to being on a routine and being productive, that anything but made me feel lazy and gross. I would go to the gym a lot, I cooked a lot, I watched a lot of Netflix and HBO... I avoided Ben a lot and devised ways to get the fuck away from him.

God, my mind needs to stop giving him energy and attention.

 He was getting to be a real problem though. A problem I couldn't ignore.

It was like he infiltrated every thought in my head, even though I didn't want him to. It was like he was there without having to be actually there. 

 Summers off were a perk of my job, as everyone else in my life would never let me forget. 

You are so lucky! You get holiday pay! Your job is so easy! 

How ignorant, I thought. 

I was always looking to start a new project. My parents were never opposed to me moving into my own place, they wanted me to explore, it helped due to the fact that I had always been a pretty independent kid. After some percentage of my student loan debt had been paid off, my first priority was finding a place that spoke to me. When I saw the bright red door to this small house, I just couldn't stop myself. It was a trademark, it was love at first sight. Ever since I was a teenager, I dreamed of having my own place, decorating it the way I want, living the way I wanted to, having control of my diet the way I wanted. I knew from day one I was all about feeding my own mind, having my own things, living my life according to my own terms. There was something fulfilling about getting everything I had on my own merit. That red door, represented all of those feelings bundled into one threshold for me. 

The rest of the house could use some work however, to say the least. Ben could never help me around here. So I took on most of the manly duties.

I stared at the bleak colors of my walls. Maybe I should re-paint this house, I needed some pops of color in here. The windows could use new blinds, the old ones were feathered to the touch. I wanted to switch around the furniture in my living room, making it more open. I wanted to re brand and breathe some new air into this space. Into my space. 

I wanted to take on a new lease, not literally but figuratively.

 And the first step was getting rid of my toxic high school boyfriend, Ben Cheney. 

Matter of fact, I mustered up enough courage to call him and end it right now. The easiest and safest way to end this was definitely not in person. And if it was, I would have 911 on speed dial, though I did not want bring that kind of attention to Ben and I in such a small town. People talk, and if my Dad found out he would murder him for even touching me.

 I wasn't supposed to be this woman. I chided myself, I was disappointed in myself. A woman like me, how could I ever let this happen? Part of me believed that it was because I trusted Ben for so many years. Maybe because he was the first one, maybe because he started out different. But it was all lies to me now.