01| In which a decision is made over dinner
The grating sound of the metal fork scraping against the polished china was getting more and more unbearable. I glanced up from my own plate, only to find my mother stuck in the same position she’d been in for the last ten minutes. It was as if she’d fallen into a mindless trance, her fork pushing the same chunk of undercooked beef across the otherwise full plate.
Untouched food aside, my mother hadn’t even spoken a word since dinner commenced. Usually, she’d be chatting away, detailing every bit of gossip she’d gleaned that day. Her silence even had the kitchen staff on edge, the lot of which huddled near the entrance to the dining room, exchanging hushed whispers and worried glances. Clearly, something was off about my mother.
With a rueful sigh, I set my silverware onto the gold-trimmed placemat, my eyes trailing to the matching centerpiece before finally settling on the woman sitting across from me.
“Mother, is something the matter?”
At the sound of my voice, she jolted imperceptibly before an equally tired sigh escaped her lips. When her gaze met mine, I found my heart sinking. Beneath the glossed-over surface, her dull green eyes held glimpses of apprehension and regret.
“Allison,” she started wearily, seemingly unsure about her next set of words. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you.”
A nod was all it took for her to continue.
“With your father's absence, I've noticed a change in this house’s atmosphere. An overwhelming sensation of stillness and loneliness that only grows with each passing day.”
Trying to swallow back the venom that threatened to spill at the mention of that man, I clasped my hands on my lap and willed myself calm. But I still couldn’t comprehend what she was getting at.
Mother sighed once again before elaborating. “I was thinking we should put a word in the paper for a border. With another lodger right across the hall, I'd feel much more at ease. Especially at night; I haven't gotten much sleep these past few nights.”
A careful scan of my mother’s pale face was enough to confirm her previous statement. The once firm and plump skin that defined her glowing complexion had set into faint wrinkles and creases all around. The dark bags under her eyes only added to the image, giving her a hollowed-out appearance. In a matter of weeks, Mother had outwardly aged more than a decade. And all because of that ignorant man.
How dare he put my mother through such grief while he was out forging a new life. Just the thought of him alone was making me want to hurl the contents of my stomach.
Returning my attention to my mother’s sudden call for a house tenant, I reexamined the proposition. “I see what you're saying Mother, but let's not put it in the paper. We don’t want some stranger residing with us, now do we? Instead, I can ask one of the girls from my sewing class if they'd be interested.”
“No, dear, that won't do,” Mother shook her head in objection. “The whole reason I’m bringing this up is because of the lack of a male presence in this house.”
I was perplexed. Since when was that a necessity for survival?
“But William—”
“Your brother won’t be back until springtime. And even when he returns, it will only be for a brief visit. I cannot rely on him to keep this place going.” From the way she rested her hands on the table, I could tell she was yearning to reach out and take my hand in hers. Unfortunately, the table stood in the way so she conveyed her sentiments through her unwavering gaze.
“I'm worried," she spoke, her words growing weary under an invisible weight. "I see how the men's eyes linger on us in the streets. They know the state we’re in and it’s giving them bold ideas. It would only do us good to have someone of equal character under this roof. You know how men can be.” She gave a knowing look.
Exactly! Men were nothing but heartless traitors. So why was Mother so adamant on the new tenant being a man? I began firing back any kind of logical objection I could think of, but my mother was quick to interrupt.
“I will not hear of this anymore, Allison. My decision is final and I hope you come to agree with it. Additionally, I'd be very grateful if you could help the housekeepers clear your brother’s room. I don’t want them accidentally throwing out any valuables.”
“I doubt there’s anything of value in that room, Mother. Even with him out of the house, it's still as filthy as a pigsty.”
My mother's lips parted momentarily before sealing shut once again. Not even she could deny just how unkempt her son could be.
