Life in a Nutshell

Stuff My Kid Says!

This will be an ongoing section with each new nugget of wisdom that comes out of my son's mouth. He's my miracle baby. My blessing and unexpected gift. He's also the reason my hair is going grey, and I feel like I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in five years. He's smart, funny, sweet, rambunctious, loud, affectionate, annoying and the reason my heart beats.

Example #1

One night while brushing our teeth my boy has a moment of clarity:

Sonny: "Mama, I have something to tell you. I'm really sorry mama...I know you won't like it.

"Me: (internally freaking out... what oh what is my sweet boy going to confess to now!!)

Sonny: "Am I in trouble?"

Me: "you know if you tell me the truth things are much easier for you, so no sweetie you won't get in trouble as long as you tell the truth."

Sonny: (big sigh)... "Mama sometimes I eat the toothpaste right from the tube, I won't do it anymore."

Me: (choking..trying NOT to do my best impression of a foamy old faithful...) "You're good kid, I'm glad you won't eat anymore toothpaste."

Example #2

Reason #12 Covid education solutions are succeeding:

Sonny: "Did you know Komodo dragons bite their prey and inject venom so the Water Buffalo gets sick and dies, and then the Komodo dragon can just come back and eat the carcass?"

Me: "Wow, that's really impressive."

Sonny: (Leaps across the room, tackles me and bites my shirt, leaving a wet slobber stain. Then runs away down the hall, after I shriek in surprise. )

Sonny: "Let me know when you're dead, okay mama? I'm hungry."

Me: .... Thank you #PBSKids and #WildKratts.

Epilogue: After he asks me if I'm dead, every five minutes. I finally make the death wails of an injured water buffalo, and wait draped across the dining room table for my predator to come make a meal of me. Which he does in beautiful five year old fashion with chomping noises, slobbery bites and sticky hands dragging me off the table while I'm weeping in laughter. Good times. Good times.

Example #3

My son and I are walking in a communal park area in our neighborhood. It's a gorgeous spot, with ponds, farm areas, manicured gardens and some wild spots as well. It's a perfect place for a kid to grow up. During our walk, we stop and chat with his favorite babysitter who passes us going the other way.

This girl is fourteen and about 5'11". She's South African, blond, sporty and has a beautiful smile with dimples. In other words, she's gorgeous and has my fiver wrapped up in knots over her. He's totally in love and pining hard.

After our chat, we continue walking.

Sonny: "Momma, when is Annelise going to watch me again?"

Me: "Well, honey I'm sorry, but I don't have her on the schedule any time soon. Grandma is going to watch you while I work, and Annelise is in school. She's busy. She has homework and many other responsibilities. I don't know when I will have her watch you again.

Sonny: Big Siiiiigh.... "Well that just ruined my whole day." And he walks ahead kicking rocks with his boots dejectedly.

Me: Trying hard not to laugh. And then it hits me. This kid is FIVE! I already have to worry about his crushes. My life is going to officially be over by the time he's fifteen.