Merder: Different Circumstances

Chapter Twenty One

"God I can't wait to cut today." Meredith announced as she walked into the attending's lounge.

Her surgery had gone smoothly, it being two and a half months ago now. Callie had managed to repair the break, even though it was practically shattered when they got in there, and the nerve remained untouched. After three nights of being an inpatient Meredith was finally allowed home and she had never been happier.

Upon arriving home, she couldn't express the feeling she had when the door to her house was opened and Derek and Ashley's belongings were littered around the house, as though they were made to be there. Just to her luck, Meredith of course had a week of strict bedrest, only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and even then assistance in showers, no longer than ten minutes. She would never admit it aloud, but by the end of that week she was acting like a right bitch to Derek and was surprised he stayed: Ashley found great delight in this new found attitude.

After the first week was over, Meredith then had a further six weeks off of work. During that time she cleaned the house multiple times a week, rearranged each room at least once and actually unpacked the boxes of her mothers belongings she had neglected to one of the spare rooms months ago.

When those weeks were over, she was finally allowed to enter the hospital as a doctor again, rather than a patient. She tried to put herself on the board for an appendectomy on her first day, but her name was quickly replaced with Bailey's, as a collective decision was made that she was not allowed to stand on her feet for so long. This decision infuriated Meredith beyond explanation, so she was left to chart for three weeks.

That then lead her to today. She was over ten weeks post op and no longer would allow Miranda or Callie to babysit her, she had took their nine weeks and then the suggested extra one due to the severity of her break. Meredith was ready to be an attending once again, rather than constantly charting like an intern.

"Still don't understand why you did it." Cristina bluntly stated.

"The guy lived, I lived, it's all good."

"No seriously Mer, was saving that one mans life really worth losing surgery for almost three months?"

Meredith just rolled her eyes at Cristina's inability to express human emotion, wondering how she could possibly be a care giver when she lacked such compassion from time-to-time. Cristina kept criticising Meredith's choice, then goes to asking questions to herself about the whole situation of Ashley and Derek moving in with Meredith.

It was something that had unofficially happened. After the surgery they had stayed with her a week, then their clothes didn't return to the trailers but more kept appearing at Meredith's. She had no complaints about it, for the first time willing to take the next step in a relationship, and Ashley had expressed on many occasions that she was grateful for the central heating and secure walls around her.

That reminder of Ashley made Meredith think back to that morning. After the incident, Ashley had been so relieved that Meredith was okay, offering to do anything to make her recovery anyway easier. However, in the past month she had become much more closed off and sometimes even acted cold towards Meredith. It had been on Meredith's mind for a while, but when she thought back to earlier that morning, when Ashley refused to carry a conversation with her, Meredith was becoming concerned.

"Mer you've been off work for weeks, it's your first day back and you won't even listen to me?" Cristina accused.

"Sorry, I-"

"If you were thinking about McDreamy and his daughter I will walk away right now because you have spent the past like two months with them."

Meredith just rolled her eyes, unable to deny that she was thinking of them, but knew that Cristina would never understand. Cristiana took her silence as a yes and made some comment about the importance surgery and how relationships are just a distraction before leaving the attending's lounge.

A 911 page to the trauma bay made Meredith leave in the same direction as Cristina had, grateful for the lack of pitiful looks she was receiving off the nurses: being viewed as a surgeon once again, rather than a patient. When she arrived, Derek and Owen were stood there with their gowns on, but there was no sign of an incoming trauma.

"Grey, Bailey has your appendectomy." Owen said once he saw her.

"No, what the hell. I'm ten weeks post op, I'm fine to cut, just let me cut someone open please." Meredith complained, receiving a strange look from some people walking across the bay. "This is so unfair, you can't baby sit me forever, it's an appendectomy for crying out loud, an intern should be able to do that."

"I gave Bailey your appendectomy so you can be the general attending on this incoming trauma. I mean if you'd rather be on an appy than a motorcycle vs. pedestrian patient then you can switch back." Owen explained, a hint of sarcasm and teasing to his voice.

"I- thank you." Meredith replied, pulling a face at Derek who couldn't hold back his laughter at his girlfriend.

Their patient arrived, soon after Meredith had put her own gown on. A paramedic carried a detached limb off the ambulance behind the gurney, and Meredith knew this would be a good first case back. The surgery was unsteady, with the patient flatlining twice and surgeons from each specialty worrying about different injuries.

After eight hours the group of surgeons were able to leave the OR and tell the patients family that despite the extensive injuries, the patient had survived. As each attending was briefly, and carefully, explaining each injury regarding the patient, Meredith couldn't help but notice the change in Derek's mannerisms, he had become much more cautious and used different language to before. It made the interaction much more gentle on the family, but she was unsure of why he had changed.

Once the family were shown to their room, Meredith and Derek left their fellow colleagues to get some sleep in an on call room before the rest of their shifts: Meredith's another 4 hours and Derek's a further 12. Although they were not working disturbingly long hours, their activities from the previous night had left them exhausted.

"What was that about?"

"What was what about?" Derek asked in return.

"When you were talking to the patients family, you were different. A good different, but you were more personal and more careful with what you said."

Derek just shrugged before wrapping his arms around her torso and nestling his face into the crook of Meredith's neck. His answer pondered on her mind for a moment, until she decided she wasn't happy with it and turned herself around so that she was facing him.

"No that's not a real answer. I want a real answer." Meredith insisted.

"Mer, it's nothing." He sighed. "Just ten minutes of sleep, please?"

"It's not nothing, you were going to say something, you paused, but you didn't. What is it?"

"I know you didn't intentionally do it, but I was one of those family members. Unsure if their loved one will make it through the surgery, I had to wait outside of a trauma room, not knowing if I'd ever see you again. It was terrifying and when the doctors told me you were okay I have never been more relieved in my life. I know how they feel, and knowing that has just changed my bedside manner."

"Derek, I'm so so sorry." Meredith whispered, placing a kiss on his lips and letting him rest his head on top of hers.

The two of them just laid there in silence, Derek was glad to have the weight lifted off of his chest and Meredith was realising the consequences of her accident on those around her. Once she heard the steadied breathing coming from her boyfriend, she was grateful that the conversation could be put on hold, but soon realised that it must be the same cause for Ashley's change in attitude around her.

Ten minutes pass, then twenty and Meredith eventually moved when her pager goes off, pulling her from their peace. Derek woke up and took a moment to take in his surroundings, before climbing out of the bed himself to put his shoes back on.

"I'll pick Ashley up and take her back home tonight, I'll see you in the morning if I don't see you before my shift ends." Meredith said, kissing him quickly before leaving the room.

As she was walking through the corridors, there was a twinge in her back, obviously due to the uncomfortable on call room beds, and suddenly became grateful that Richard refused to let her work anymore than a 12 hour shift on her first proper day back. The page was just for a consult on a child and after another two consults and some short tasks, Meredith's shift was finally over.