Half of My Heart ✔️

26 | cross the line

just for fun, comment what you think this chapter will be about just based on the title lol. also, pey is feeling better :)

♔

The morning of our film class — the first since break started — I don't even entertain the hope of getting Levi to talk to me. I ride my longboard to class, dreading the moment I see him again. His words, threaded with impatience, ring over and over again in my mind.

Still, my eyes still scan the room for him when I walk into class. When I see him, my whole body tensed. He's looking forward at the projector screen that's set up at the front of the classroom. I quickly take a seat, not sure if I'm more scared of him looking at me with that searing expression of disappointment, or him pretending that I don't even exist. Both feel like a bullet tearing through my chest.

Pavil greets us in an obviously good mood, asking a few students in the front row to tell us what they did over break. After the students awkwardly stutter out their answers, he moves on.

"Today's one of my favorite days of the semester if you couldn't tell from my eagerness," he says, dimming the lights. "I'm sure we'll all enjoy watching the magnificent extra credit projects of a few of our students. But it's even more fun to laugh at the piles of burning horse shit that some students have unknowingly put together. Let's get started, shall we?"

I wonder if Levi even got the chance to finish his — our — short film. If he could even stand watching clips of me to put it together.

The first two films are okay. One is centered around a girl's passion for climate change activism. Pavil gives her a decent grade even though I saw him dozing off in the last minute. Him and the rest of the class.

The second is done by a boy and a girl. A couple. Their film is centered around — gag — their undying love for one another, complete with clips of them kissing and giggling and — gag — fondling. It's borderline pornographic, and watching it with a hundred other college students feels like a fever dream. Pavil pretends to throw up on his desk and literally tells them to get out of his classroom for making him sit through that. They hold hands as they gather their stuff and leave. Good riddance.

The third is about yo-yo-ing. Even from my seat, I can see the excitement on Professor Pavil's face at the beginning as he anticipates another steaming pile of shit, but it slowly wanes as the film turns out to be really good. We're all a bit shell-shocked when the exemplary film ends and Pavil declares that the student will receive full extra credit.

When Pavil calls Levi's name, I can't decide whether the feeling in my stomach is dread or excitement. Maybe a bit of both, along with the residual heartbreak of my talks with him and Jack.

The title of the short film is how far. I, along with the rest of the class, am confused by the ominous title, and I instinctively look toward Levi. His face gives nothing away, so I frown and turn toward the front. Something feels off.

My concerns are eased when the short film opens with perfectly-edited clips of me dancing with soft music playing. I blush a bit as I watch myself from his point of view, knowing my entire class is watching me dance with my eyes closed. Nonetheless, it's nice. Seeing myself from an external perspective. Knowing what I look like outside of the depths of my overthinking mind.

Levi made me look really good.

Then, out of nowhere, it cuts to a far-away clip of me laughing with Dani on our backyard patio. I remember that moment; it was the day after we'd arrived, and Dani and I were catching up. It narrows in on the pure joy on my face. The way my eyes squinted closed with tears because I was laughing so hard. I didn't even know he'd been filming that moment.