Half of My Heart ✔️

02 | crash into me

Two weeks later, I rush out of my first class, digging through my backpack to find my ringing phone. Waves of other students pour out of the classroom, and I walk off to the side to answer the phone.

"Hey, Momma," I say quietly into the phone, not wanting to seem like the type of student to call her parents right after her first college class.

From the far-away sound of her voice, I can tell I'm on speaker-phone. "Hey, baby," she says cheerily. I hear chopping in the background and assume she's cooking something. "How was your first class?"

I sigh. "Good. I really regret signing up for an 8 am Monday class though," I say truthfully. I don't tell her that I've had that same dream about Dani — the one where she is unconscious and just out of reach — every night since I got here, and I wake up in a cold-sweat every morning. I let my mom assume that my problems with getting up early are rooted in me simply being tired.

"You'll be fine," she says, still chopping. I start walking, trying to figure out where my next class is and why the hell I signed up for two-class only fifteen minutes apart. Mom keeps talking, oblivious to my struggle. "You have two classes this morning, right? That's great; get it all out of the way so you can enjoy the rest of your day."

Mom-logic. "I guess. Doesn't make it less difficult," I say, reading the names on the buildings as I pass them.

"Maybe later today you can hang out at the coffee shop and scout the place for cute boys—"

"Mom," I whine. None of the buildings is the one I'm looking for. "Finding a boyfriend is definitely not the goal for this year."

"Boyfriend?" Dad says through the phone, coming out of nowhere. "What boyfriend?"

I groan. "No boyfriend, Dad. Just school, dance, and maybe a few hours of sleep for the next nine months. I have an audition in a few months that I need to practice for. I have no time for the male species."

I can practically hear Dad smile through the phone. "That's what I like to hear."

"We're so proud of you, Scar," Mom says. "Dani's already dying to come visit you. Her doctor said she'd be okay to come on her own, but we're still being cautious. But maybe she could come during Spring Break?

I'm silent for a moment, my mind swirling with guilt. I think of my sister and everything she can't do. Because of me. "Scar," Dad says, "You still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Look, I love you guys a lot and I miss you. But I have to find my next class in the next ten minutes, and it's not looking too good right now," I rush out, trying to hide the sudden sadness from my voice. Dani's still on my mind.

"Oh!" Mom says. "What's the name of the building? I probably know where it is."

I tell her the name of the building of my next class, then I look around to tell her where I'm currently at.

I hear Mom set something down. "Honey," she says slowly, "You're like ten-minutes from that building. At least. How much time did you say you had?"

I look at the time on my phone. "Seven minutes now," I say, already feeling my blood pressure increase. I pick up my pace. "Why did you let me sign up for two classes so far apart? Actually, don't answer that. I'll talk to you later. I gotta go."

Mom and Dad say their quick goodbyes, and I hang up. Then I pull up Google Maps and type in the building, hoping it'll take me on the fastest route through campus. It says it's a ten-minute walk like Mom said. Great.

I rush, taking several shortcuts through buildings and through the grass. In eight minutes, I end up where Google Maps says my building should be, but I find myself standing in the middle of the sidewalk. There are several buildings around me, and I can't tell which one it is. And I don't have time to check all of them.