lies

four|home

[jennifer]

As much as I didn't want to return home, it was the only place I could think of. Mom was still there, in that house where everything had happened. As I sat on the train, I thought about how selfish I'd been, running away from my Mom when she was still hurting over the loss of my sister and dad. The team knew that Roslyn had killed herself, but I never mentioned my dad's accident. 

He was distraught after losing her, he blamed himself for now watching out for her. Ros and I both knew that Mom favoured me growing up, so he took it upon himself to spend lots of time with her to make up for it. With the six years between us in age, Mom focused on keeping me as her little princess whilst Ros was out there playing soccer and painting and just being an average teenager. She changed slowly, just a little at a time so that we didn't notice at first. She was more withdrawn and secretive up until her death, but she gave me her necklace and she never forgot about me. Dad took up drinking soon after that and he was caught in a car accident one night when he was driving home from the liquor store. He'd cleaned out our alcohol supply and gone to buy more. 

I never said goodbye to him. Mom and I drifted apart, so much that it felt like we were acquaintances, not family. When I left home, I was determined to never go back. And yet here I was, on the way back to where it all began. 

9 hours later and I was knocking on my own front door, well, my mom's door. She opened it slowly and as soon as I saw her, I burst into tears. 

"Oh, Jen, come here." She said and I immediately ran into her arms. "I'm sorry, Mom." I said as we hugged tightly. I didn't realise just how much I needed to see her again. "Come on, I've got your favourite ice cream." She said, making me smile. "Mint chocolate?" "Of course. It was always my favourite, too." 

She let me inside and we sat on the couch in the living room. I looked around as she prepared the ice cream and realised that nothing had changed. Absolutely nothing. And for some reason, that comforted me. With everything at the BAU, this was something that I felt a sense of familiarity and recognition. On the wall were our old family photos. Mom, Dad and Ros before I was born, all four of us on picnics and days out, Mom and me, Dad and Ros, Ros and I playing soccer, it was just beautiful. "Here, you can have the bigger bowl." Mom said as she came back. 

"Thanks, Mom." She sat down beside me and just smiled. "What?" I asked, taking a large mouthful of ice cream. "You look so grown up, Jen. I'm so proud of you." I started tearing up again, that was the first time she'd ever said that. "Thanks, that means everything to me. I love you so much, Mom." "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you before, but whatever you need now, I'm here." She said with a smile. "It's okay, Mom. I know it was tough by yourself. I just need someone to talk to right now." "Whatever you need. I'm all ears." 

I started from the beginning. I told her about joining the FBI and being the communications liaison. I told her about being offered a promotion and then being forced to take it and work for the State Department. I told her about Will and our divorce. And then Emily came up. I didn't know where to start.

"God, I'm such a mess, Mom." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "You used to do that whenever you were stressed, which was all the time." She joked. "Mom!" I said but laughed anyway. "Jen, I missed that laugh. It's good to have you back." I checked the time and yawned. "Wow, I can't believe I talked for so long." I said, stretching. "That's okay, I'm just glad your here. Do you have any place to stay? It would be really great if you'd stay here." She offered. I nodded, "Okay, that would be great."  

Mom stood up to get some sheets and a pillow but I stopped her. "Hey, um, is Ros's room still as it was?" I asked. She nodded, "Yeah. I couldn't throw any of her things out." "I'm just going to take a look. I'll be okay."