lies

six|divorced

[jennifer]

On the plane to Iowa, I couldn't stop wondering why Emily felt the need to tell me about her kiss. It's not like we were in any sort of relationship or anything, and she'd never been so distressed like that before, but I started thinking about the possibility of us being more than just friends. Was that possible? 

Garcia was delighted that Emily and I had made up and she'd insisted on a girls night as soon as we got back. "I want to know everything, JJ, about Pennsylvania. And don't you think for a second that you're off the hook, Emily. I'm waiting to hear about Paris, too." She had said before we left. 

Emily and I were sitting opposite Hotch and Reid, playing poker. Emily was psyching Reid out, trying to get on his nerves, but I kept my cards very close to my chest. Reid went all in and Emily matched his bet. "JJ won't do it, she's so readable." Reid said looking straight into my eyes. I resisted the urge to smile and just pushed all of my pretzels into the centre of the table (we were betting with airplane snacks). "Do you think I'm bluffing?" I asked seriously. "I know you're bluffing." He said confidently. 

"Alright, show us the cards." Hotch said. Reid had a boat with Jacks and 8s, Emily had a four of a kind, and they were both looking at me. "Doctor Reid, looks like you're not as smart as you think you are." I winked and turned over my cards. His jaw dropped. "How did you manage a straight flush?" "I'm better than you think." I whispered and collected my winnings. "I always win." He frowned. "Not this time, Spence." I patted his knee and went to get a drink, grinning to myself all the way.

He was still sour about losing as we entered the Des Moines police department. "Spence, get over it, I'll let you win next time." I giggled. Emily laughed too and Rossi nudged Reid. "Give up, kid, she's not going to tell you how she did it." "Alright, let's see what we can find out about each of the victims." Hotch said as a way of getting us to focus on the case again. Emily and I shared glances every now and then and stifled our laughter, much to Reid's annoyance.

When the day came to an end and we were heading to the hotel, I got a call from Garcia. "Hey, Pen, what's up?" "JJ, I just got a call from the hotel. Apparently they doubled booked their rooms so two of you will have to share." "Alright, thanks for the heads up." "What was that?" Morgan asked. "Garcia says the hotel doubled booked a room so we'll have to share." "Well how are we going to decide that?" Reid asked. "It's fine, Em and I can share." I said. Emily looked surprised. "You sure about that?" "Yup, it's fine." I reassured them. We headed off to our rooms for the night.

Once the door was shut, Emily let out the longest sigh ever. "My goodness, are you alright?" I asked her, trying not to laugh. "I'm so done, JJ. I'm exhausted." "Well why don't you take a shower first?" She disappeared into the bathroom just as my phone rang. "Chief Strauss? Is something wrong?" Usually, the only calls I ever get from Strauss end in bad news. "Jareau, we need to talk as soon as you get back to DC." She said cryptically. "Uh, sure, may I ask why?" "Not over the phone. Just let me know when you're on the way back." She replied before hanging up. Strange, I thought, but didn't dwell on it as there were more important things to figure out, this case being one of them.

Emily returned from the bathroom and without her makeup, she looked even worse than I did. "Em, have you not been sleeping well?" I asked her as she pulled on a large hoodie over her tank top. "Not really. Just been stressed with having to wait for my stuff to come over from France. It's still stuck at Customs." "Oh, well, I'd be happy to give you a hand with that, when it eventually gets here." I offered. She smiled and accepted, "That would be great." "I'm guessing girls' night will not be at yours, then." I joked. "You know what, you might be on to something there. How about at yours? Oh wait, what about Will? I haven't heard about him in a while." 

Ah, we'd reached the painful topic that was my divorce. "Oh, um, he's not around anymore. We split up." I said, sitting at the edge of the bed. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, JJ. Recently?" "Actually, when I was still working for the State." She gasped. "No way, that long ago? And the team...?" "I never told them about it. I didn't see the need to worry them, I'm fine." Even as I said it, I knew she wasn't buying it. "JJ, you might be able to lie to Reid about your cards, but you can't lie to me." She said looking right into my eyes. "Start from the beginning, what happened?" 

<sometime ago>

Will was in the kitchen, making dinner, when the phone rang. "Jennifer, if that's another case..." He said as I went to answer it. "This is Jennifer Jareau." "Jareau, there's been another break in Afghanistan. We need you on the plane first thing tomorrow." Strauss said. I sighed. I went back to the kitchen to tell Will and he lost it.

"Jennifer, you told me that this would stop when you left the BAU." "I'm sorry, I thought it would. I didn't ask to be assigned the task force, Will, you know that." I cried. "Don't play dumb with me, Jennifer. Just admit you, you'd rather be working than spending time at home." "What? No, of course not. I love being here, it's just..." "You love your job more, right? I get it." He said before storming out of the house. 

I sank into a chair and asked the question "why" repeatedly. Why couldn't everything just be simple? Why couldn't he understand how important my job is? I worked reasonable hours for a few months, and then I'd get drafted to the task force for a couple of months and then come back home. It wasn't ideal, sure, but there were no serial killers involved and much less travelling outside of work. 

Will didn't come home that night. I wrote him an apology in the morning and headed out to go to Afghanistan but as I was driving, I drove past an old motel and swear I saw Will's car. The plates were familiar and it was the same model. Checking my watch, I decided I had enough time to wait. And sure enough, ten minutes later, I saw him walk out of the front entrance with another woman hanging on to his arm. I had no idea who she was, but he was certainly into her. I drove away before he saw me and decided that day that our relationship had well and truly come to an end. 

I filed for divorce whilst still overseas. He didn't object or even attempt to fix the relationship. There really was nothing left between us. He moved out before I'd gotten home and returned his keys. I just had to accept that I was alone once again and had to find a way to carry on.

[emily]

JJ told me the story of how she and Will broke up, and it broke my heart. She'd tried her best and stayed true to her marriage, but he'd already moved on a long time ago. "JJ, I'm sorry." I said as I put my arm around her. "I wasn't upset about it, you know? I'd accepted that it wasn't like it used to be. We were never going to have a normal life with 9-5 jobs and kids and stuff, and I think that was what he wanted. I don't know where he went after that, he just moved out and we never said another word to each other." She said, even though her voice was full of pain. "I told my Mom all of this and I thought I was over it, but I guess not." 

"It's okay, you don't have to keep everything to yourself." I whispered in her ear as I carefully brushed a stray hair behind her ear. "I-I am glad to have you back, Emily. Despite being so angry, I'm over it now." "And I'm happy to be here." I said with a grin. "Now let's go to bed, it's already very late." 

She settled on her side and as I lay beside her, I couldn't stop smiling to myself. Okay, it wasn't ideal that she and Will had divorced and all that, but that also meant that she was available.... No, Emily, don't think like that. You're her friend, you don't want to mess that up again. I sighed quietly and rolled over, it wasn't ever going to be that straight forward, was it? I had to try much harder to keep my feelings in check before I said something that I couldn't take back.