Nugget: that giant box is Coon's gift for me?
Cupcake: Yep
Nugget: she's inside of it, isn't she?
Cupcake: Yep
KJ, inside the box: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL HER
-
Peaches: if you're not in my circle of trust, you're probably in my triangle of suspicion, or my rhombus of doubt. So many shapes, so many people
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Genie: you get 26 wishes
KJ: ...isn't it normally 3?
Genie: y-yeah but *gestures vaguely at KJ* you've got a lot going on
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Nugget: tell me the scariest story you know bro
Peaches: life without you bro
Nugget: [hand to heart and tearing up] bro.
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Muffin: what's the WiFi password?
CEO: ma'am, this is an important meeting...
Muffin, typing: ma'am...this..is..an..important...meeting...
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Cupcake: it's Christmas season, you know what that means!
Muffin: everyone trying to kill each other at the dinner table?
Peaches: the sweet release of death?
KJ: the fact that I'm getting coal in my stocking?
Cupcake: i was gonna say "Nugget's baking cookies" but you know what, we're all gonna take a nice field trip to therapy
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KJ:...you're giving me...a sticker...?
Muffin: not just any sticker! It has a kitty on it and says "me-WOW"
KJ: I'm not a preschooler
Muffin: fine I'll just take it back then
KJ: back off, I earned this kitty sticker!
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KJ: I'm 80% exhaustion, 10% sarcasm , and 20% doesn't care
Peaches: that's 110%...
KJ: 20% doesn't care
Peaches: yeah should've seen that coming
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Cupcake: we're going out in public so I expect you all to be on your very best behavior
KJ: *scoffs* Yeah, Alph
Cupcake: I was talking to you specifically but sure
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Cubby: someone care to explain why we have six golden retrievers in our house???
Muffin: Duh, they're golden retrievers, Cubs, they retrieve gold! I did this for us
-
Muffin: what's your spirit animal?
KJ: idk probably a wolf
Muffin: oh that's co-
KJ: or Shrek
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Cupcake: why are you sad?
Muffin: I realized fire-breathing dragons can't blow out their birthday candles :(
Cupcake:
Cupcake: :(
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KJ, after embarrassing herself in front of a live-studio audience when she somehow walked onto the set of Sharknado and didn't know what to do so started belting Baby Shark until security escorted her out: I want to fucking die
Security guard: watch your language
KJ: hecky heck, I crave death!
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Muffin: I saw a cat at the hospital today
Cupcake: why were you at the hospital????
Muffin: I crashed the car and got a concussion. Anyway, the cat was so cu-
Cupcake: yoU WHAT-
Muffin: you're really focusing on the wrong part here
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Nugget: imma start picking eggs from the carton randomly so they don't know who's next
Nugget: I just love drama and tension
-
Cubby: did you just fall?
Peaches: no I attacked the floor
Cubby: backwards?
Peaches: I'm so talented
-
Muffin: *gets hit by a car*
Driver: OH MY GOODNESS ARE YOU OKAY??!!!
Muffin: m-my cellphone...please
[opens Salz group chat]
Muffin: lmao you guys WON'T believe what just happened
-
Peaches: hey guys- why are you all standing on chairs??? Is this a game?
Nugget: yeah, we're all playing "we saw a big ass spider and we don't know where the fuck it went"
Peaches: *scrambles onto chair*
