You Look So Good In Green // DNF

Long waits in hospital

TW:  alcohol - I will put a clear warning before they start and i will put a clear warning where they finish (so you don't have to skip the whole chapter) and then i will explain BRIEFLY what happened

Dream POV

everything seemed to be happening so fast, but in slow motion at the same time. i just wanted to fall asleep and wake up with george in my arms and forget about any of this happening. my thoughts got interrupted by a woman coming up to me. she looked to be in her mid thirty's. "are you mr clay wastaken?" (a/n: omg i was going to do clay block). i nodded, to scared to talk. i knew that if i was to talk then i would burst into tears. "things aren't going as well as we thought with george." my heart sunk. they had already said that it was bad. how could it get worse? a lump formed in my throat and the lady walked away. 

i sat in the chair in the waiting for hours. it seemed like years though. i watched people coming and out of the hospital as i was sat waiting. i just wanted to see george walking out. that's all i wanted. The lady walked back out a few hours later and asked for me to follow her. as i was following her she spoke to me in a soft voice, "clay, george is in a coma. we are so sorry to tell you but we don't know if he will make it. you can say your goodbyes but i'm not certain if he will hear you. or you could choose if you want us to try waking him up but he could be in serious pain." i could barley breath. the news was so sudden. 

this was all my fault.

i shouldn't have suggested we go to cafe.

I walk into a busy room with the sound of bleeping machines and the smell of medicine and rubber gloves filling me. 

i see george lying peacfully on a hospital bed. my eyes get glassy and i feel tears pricking in my eyes. he looked so happy. i couldn't take that away from him. i sighed going up to the lifless body and squeezing himt tight to me. "i love you so much." i started. tears were staining his shirt but i didn't care. the doctors and nurses left the room for me to say my goodbye. 

i sat on a chair next to the bed. i held george's hand and i began speaking. "um, hi george! i don't know if you can hear me right now but i guess this is goodbye for now." is stopped trying to regain my composure. "but i love you. i would have done anything for you. i hope i can hear your laugh again, i hope i can hold you tight again, i hope we can have fun like no one is there again, i hope i can see you again." the machine next to me beeped once and then stopped.

doctors and nurses came rushing in and were doing all sorts of things that i didn't know. i was pushed outside the door. i just had to wait again.

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"clay, i'm sorry he didn't make it."

i was too sad to cry. the better half of me was gone. my heart might as well have been ripped out. i nod understanding and head back to george's house. he told me i could call it home but it only felt like home when he was there. i reached the front door and unlocked it with the spare key from under the mat. (a/n: for my irl friends who know where i live i dont have a doormat. so don't try and steal my food)  

i walk in and sit on the bed in george's room. tears run slowly down my cheeks and i just want the pain in my heart to go away. everything i was reminded me of george. 

i got an idea.

no one was home.

i could drink my feelings away.

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TW: alcohol!!! I WILL PUT ANOTHER LINE OF ⚠❗ WHEN ITS THE END OF IT SO YOU CAN SKIP IF YOU WANT!

i took a swig of red wine right out of the bottle. i swallowed it and kept repeating this process. i knew it wasn't healthy but it was helping me cope. 

i woke up in a cold sweat on the kitchen floor, it was morning now. i had passed out from drinking too much. i had drunk the entire bottle of wine. i got out a few cans of beer, but then in my bag and headed to school.

school went by slowly and i saw my friend nick. "hey dude!" he says.. i ignore him walking past. "clay? why do you smell like alcohol?" i could tell he was being serious. "because i drunk, duh." i rolled my eyes at him. he was my only friend left i should be nice to him but all the drinks had gotten to my head. nick grabbed me by my forearm and dragged me into a bathroom. "dude you never drink what's wrong?" i knew he was being serious to i tried my best not to do anything stupid. 

"my boyfriend died." i said. 

"y- your what? you have a boyfriend?" nick sounded happy, he had clearly forget the last part of my short story.

"had. past tense. he's dead." nick sighed. and pulled me into a hug. coughing at the strong smell of drink coming off me. it was a surprise no teachers had caught me. 

"who was the lucky fella then?" nick asked, in an attempt to brighten the mood. 

"george Davidson. the guy was in my maths class." i say trying not to cry. clearly i can still think, i need to drink more its not working.

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End of tw: clay drank alchol and got drunk, he then went to school and told nick about george being gone. 

The smile on nick's face dropped. "george?" he paused. "he was my best friend before i met you." he sat down on the floor staring at his hands. "one day he just stopped talking to me and wouldn't tell me why." nick sounded on the verge of tears, as was i. 

we didn't bother going to any other lessons that day. we both sat on the bathroom floor crying into each others arms until we had nothing left to cry.

part of me felt like there was a mistake.

 i never saw George's dead body. 

maybe he's still alive.

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i got home, wiping tears from my cheeks. george's mum had been told about his death but she didn't seem to care in the slightest. i went back upstairs and lay on the bed. alcohol wasn't working maybe i had to do something else.

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TW: self harm and mention of suicide!!! I WILL PUT ANOTHER LINE OF ⚠❗ WHEN ITS THE END OF IT SO YOU CAN SKIP IF YOU WANT!

i found a pencil sharpener that was on the desk. with a screw driver i twisted out the nail holding it together. 

i took the blade out.

it was small but very sharp.

the cold metal ran along my bear skin, stinging as it did so.

i deserve this. i deserve this pain. i let george die.

i took the blade off and stared blankly at a neat line doing across my left wrist. dark red liquid became spilling from the wound. i continued staring at it. 

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i sat down on the bed staring at my abused wrist. it wouldn't hurt anyone if i joined george, right? i thought to myself. but i remembered nick and how sad he was when one of his bestfriends died. i didn't want him to commit as well.

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End of tw: clay self harmed and thought of suicide  :(

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wc: 1330

a/n: OMG 100 READS THAT IS COMPLETELY CRAZY!!! I'm starting to not like how I'm writing it and i feel like everything i moving too fast but i will finish it! all together there will be 10-15 chapters plus a epilogue. 

have a great day/night -lola<3