The ghosts we hide (Winter Soldier x OC)

Twelve

I'm not sure how long I sit like that, shivering in a little puddle on the floor of the shower.

When I do finally scrape myself off the ground, all of my muscles scream in protest, numb from misuse and cold. Physically pealing my soaked clothes away from my skin, I wrap myself in a towel and head to the wardrobe to grab something to wear. I rub my hair until it stops dripping frigid drops down my back then leave it, the black locks tangled and still damp.

Ignoring the bed, I settle into my corner next to the window, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. Everything feels freezing and my teeth chatter uncontrollably in my jaw, but I don't try and warm myself up.

The memory of my blazing skin and endless sweating sends a pang of nausea through my stomach. So instead I sit, revelling in the deep coldness that seeps into my very bones, staring out over New York.

It's only as the sun starts it's decent in the sky that I realise Tony didn't zap me. I fiddle with the shiny silver band, giving it a tiny tug in the off chance it will magically detach itself from my wrist.

It doesn't.

Regret settles heavily in my stomach. I shouldn't be lying to them. I shouldn't be protecting Hydra, especially after everything they've done to me, the years of torture they put me through.

It all comes down to fear.

And the fear of what they'll do to me if they ever find out I betrayed them is enough to chill my heart, a deep anxiety spreading through me.

I shake my head in disgust.

Pathetic.

Maybe I do deserve to lose my tongue. A hundred pairs of lifeless eyes flash across my mind, agreement the only emotion visible is their glassy orbs.

I killed them.

A sick feeling settles at the back of my throat and I bite my lip hard against the graphic thoughts filling my head.

I'm a coward.

A knock at the door jolts me from my depressing thoughts.

I stay silent, hoping the person will go away. There's a pause, before they knock again.

Eventually I watch as Steve tentatively opens the door, scanning the room until his eyes land on my shivering figure, hunched on the floor.

Something unfamiliar flashes across his blue gaze, before it's gone, his golden eyebrows pulling down in a V. "Can I come in?"

I stare at his intimidating figure, his muscular body seeming even bigger from my position on the floor. Hesitating, I give a small nod. He scans my eyes for a second before stepping through into the room and shutting the door gently behind him.

He moves slowly, as if I'm a wild animal he's scared of spooking.

Maybe I am.

He settles on the edge of the bed and pats the space next to him, wordlessly asking me to join him. Ignoring the apprehension burning in my stomach, I stand carefully, perching as little of myself on the mattress as possible. Always ready to make an escape.

Steve rests his hands in his lap, eyes on the window. I sit perfectly still, fighting to contain my shivering as I wait for him to speak.

"Are you ok?"

The question shocks me. I glance up to meet his intuitive blue gaze, confusion written across my features. Wrapping my arms around myself I nod hesitantly, refocusing my eyes on the swirling marble of the floor.

Steve is silent for a moment, the tension obvious in his broad shoulders.

"Bucky told us that Hydra was experimenting with metamorphosis..." he starts, pausing as he tries to find a way to delicately breach the subject, "he said you were one of the subjects."

I swallow back a lump forming in my throat and look up at Steve, nodding silently.

"Is that what just happened? Did you almost... transform?"

His blue eyes search my amber ones, empathy swirling in their depths, much to my surprise.

"Yes." I croak, looking at my hands. My eyes trace the purple bruise engulfing my knuckle and running back along to my wrist.

Steve sighs from beside me.

"You know Nyx, no one here wants to hurt you. We want to protect people from Hydra, and that includes you."

"But what if you can't protect me?"

My voice comes out small and I despise myself for the waver in my tone.

There's a pause, before Steve turns his whole body to face me, his eyes soft with reassurance. "I can't begin to imagine what you've had to experience, the pain you've endured. I get that you've been on your own for so long, but right now I'm asking you to trust me. Trust us. We will never let Hydra get to you again. Everyone here has done things they regret, but they've turned their lives around for the better. You're safe here."

Safe.

That's a feeling I haven't felt in over fourteen years.

I freeze as a hand gently rests on my shoulder, surprise coursing through my veins. I look up to meet Steve's warm blue eyes, soft with understanding and something more.

Déjà vu.

He looks as if he's remembering a similar conversation, as if he's done this before.

"Get some rest." He says finally, giving me a small smile.

Somehow, I muster a delicate smile of my own, nodding. His features light up at this.

Nodding as well, he gets up from the bed and heads towards the door. He glances at me one more time before exiting, leaving me to my thoughts.

I sit silently as emotions rage in my brain, conflicting and merging together as roaring beasts like before. But now, a small element of warmth fights with them too.