The Way You Make Me Feel [ J.J ]

12.

tw; emotional abuse mentions

Matt pulled into Fuller Heights Park, finding a parking spot and letting me get out, knowing that I needed to get somewhere that I could just breathe. I sat down on the grass, doing my best to slow my breathing. He came and sat down near me, offering his comfort while I calmed myself down.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"About how Caroline tore me down until I didn't recognize myself?" I raised my eyebrow, looking at him. "Not entirely, no."

"You know, you're gonna have to tell JJ about her eventually. She'll wonder why you're pushing your feelings down-"

"I don't have feelings, Matt. I can't. I-I don't know if I'm capable but Jesus Christ that woman does so many things to me. So many things to me that I don't understand."

"That is called feelings, my dear Watson." He chuckled.

"I wouldn't go as far to say that... We're not even together." I huffed.

"Then why'd you bring her?"

"Because I wanted you to meet her." I said, matter of factly. "I wanted you to meet the girl of my dreams."

"There it is again- you say you don't like her, but it's clear you do. The way you two look at each other... it's very obvious that you two feel strongly about each other. There's no denying it."

"I want to believe that Matt, I really do. But I- I don't know if I can. I don't know what I'm capable of. I'm scared. I'm scared because whatever it is that's happening is so strong and-"

"Those are feelings. I know you said you don't have them, but you do. Deep down, you still have them. They're definitely scary. And I know you're scared too. But you two need to talk about it, get it all out on the table."

"But what if I don't want to?" I asked, tears filling my eyes. "I don't want to relive it."

"She should know. I'm not making this decision for you, Y/N. It's your choice whether you want to tell her what happened or not. But you should at least tell her that Caroline hurt you."

Matt was right. I needed to at least tell her I was emotionally damaged. That Caroline emotionally abused me so bad that I didn't know who I was in the mirror anymore. She should know what she's getting into. But I didn't want to do that now. I just wanted to enjoy my weekend with my family, which I somehow already managed to make myself cry- and not tears of joy.

When I was finally calm enough, Matt and I stopped by the store and grabbed a couple things for tonight, knowing that they'd all question us when we got back empty handed. We made our way through the doors and to the kitchen, where Chloe and JJ were coloring at the table with Lilly. We put everything away and I sat down with them, locking eyes with JJ. I could tell she was nervous about me, but I shrugged it off, not wanting to talk about it. We colored for a bit more until the boys and Kristy came home from soccer, sending them upstairs to clean up while the twins, JJ and I cleaned up the kitchen table so we could start cooking dinner.

JJ grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. I knew that she'd want to talk about it, but everything still hurt so bad that I didn't want to talk about it. I shot her a small smile, leaning onto her shoulder. She rubbed my back, knowing that I needed her touch right now. I curled into her arms, wrapping my own around her as she pulled me close, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I started to relax into her touch, the stress and tension from the day's events slowly leaving my body. She pulled away so she could look at me, brushing some of my hair out of my face. Her hands went up to cup my face, her thumb brushing away the singular tear that had fallen out of my eye.