A Gay Vibe From Me?

Chapter 8

Although the air still feels unforgiving and frigid as it presses against the wrapped faces of the New Yorkers walking about, it is a gorgeous Sunday evening in Manhattan. The skies are a bright blue, cloudless, and the sun is shining vividly ultimately making it a balmy forty degrees Fahrenheit all across the city. As it nears 7:30 pm, the exposed light works its way down the frozen horizon making it seem as though it is tucking itself in beneath the Hudson River for the night. Unfortunately, the simplicity of the sunset that she usually takes so much pleasure in doesn't seem to catch Detective Amanda Rollins' attention at the moment.

After spending hours sluggishly glued to her couch in front of the TV, mindlessly droning through channels until she ultimately gave up and spent the rest of her day staring up at the ceiling in a consuming fog, the blonde detective is currently reacquainted with some pent-up energy, and is pacing back-and-forth around her apartment. She decorates the living room in anxious vibes as she speaks to herself, and possibly her dog Frannie who is now sprawled out in a sleepy daze across the couch herself and wearily struggling to peek an eye open at her restless owner. "John Wayne" by Amanda's favorite band—Cigarettes After Sex scratches gently against the needle of her beat-up record player that her Dad had given to her over thirty years ago, on her sixth birthday, after he realized the young girl was already an avid lover of music.

He's got so much in his heart

But he doesn't know what to do

All he wants is her

Lying inside his room...

"How...how could she just leave?" the sad woman weakly probes to no one in particular, feeling the weight of her question haunting the stuffy air of her apartment. "She didn't even say goodbye...damn..." she trails off briefly; drumming her fingers against the sides of her thigh, before returning to reality. "Yup," she mutters under her breath. "Work is going to be awkward tomorrow." Both of Frannie's eyes are now open and darting back-and-forth in a rapid succession as she watches her owner stride across the hardwood floor. "At least you got to have a good breakfast, Frannie," she states with an uneasy cackle.

Amanda feels the anger bubbling up in her throat, and her lips purse into a tight frown as she continues on with her listless rant. "This is why I don't trust people," she confirms, shifting her weight between each foot as she steadies herself. "You know what...? Fuck it!" she abruptly exclaims, aggressively slicing the air with her hands. Frannie perks an ear up in response to the shrill voice piercing the air, but continues to remain perched on the couch in a sitting position.

Amanda instantly notices her dog's attention, since she is already so on guard, and feels grateful for an audience, even if it is only of the canine species. "This is why we don't let people in, girl," she verbally ratifies with the nod of her head. "Better off alone. People..." she sighs. "So selfish. They never fail to disappoint you." "People," she repeats, "they always leave." As soon as the young blonde finishes this conclusion, she proceeds to stumble over to the couch, and gently pushes her dog aside to make some room for herself. Her body forcefully slumps down into the worn-out cushions, in pure emotional exhaustion. "Always...t-they always leave," she reiterates lightly, as a tear slides down her delicate, already-stained cheek. "Even the people you would trust with your life. Even the people you HAVE trusted with your life." She lifts her legs up to meet her chin, and wraps her bony arms around her kneecaps. She contorts her way into the fetal position on a single cushion as she mentally recalls the lengthy list of people who have hurt her more than she could ever describe. The memories of these people are buried so deep within her; memories she continuously works to keep buried, fearful of the power they hold over her. She doesn't dare allow herself to speak their names aloud; instead, she just sits there, body coiled in a ball, and trapped in her mind. Mom. Kim. Declan. Patton. Daddy...