Why is it so easy to hate yourself? Why couldn't loving yourself be easier? Why do I even hate myself at times? It feels wrong to hate yourself when you feel like everyone else sees you as someone you're not. Everyone else seems to think that I have good grades, am pretty and have no mental issues. They don't even have standards for who I am but somehow I feel like they do, I am an extrovert but despite everything social interaction is tiring sometimes but people don't understand that I don't the energy to uphold a conversation, Pretend that I actually want to have a conversation and don't just want to curl up in bed.
Even when people notice that I am sad and they ask me why it's hard to explain why am. They don't get it and they never will. They think it's just sadness but really it's a lot more than that. Talking to people that get it and know why I am how I am is so much easier than pretending that I am ok when I talk to my friends. People online get it, they understand why you feel how you feel. People you actually know don't seem to get it as much because they have this preconception of how you feel and who you are since they've known you for a long time, People who don't already know you don't need you to have a reason for feeling how you feel. They get more somehow than the people who actually know you.
It's so much better to talk to someone who understands how you feel. When you talk to them despite having never met they seem to understand you better than your own best friends. It's like an unexplainable reason why. I am very grateful for all my friends, I'm sure that they all care for me but explaining yourself to them is so much harder. Some days I never feel like I'm good enough despite everyone around me telling me I am. I may be a good enough friend, sibling or even daughter but being good enough for yourself is such a struggle. When I get an 84 on a test and realize what I made a mistake on is something that I knew and it was really stupid makes me feel like I've sinned. Knowing that I could have got perfect on that test and I didn't makes me feel like I am so stupid. My parents always just tell me to try my best at things, they never get mad if I don't do well academically but somehow I feel like that's the whole reason why I hate myself if I don't do well.
I hate the feeling when you know you disappointed someone even if they say it's ok and it's not a big deal makes me feel really guilty for even existing. What's the point of existing if you can't be good enough for yourself? I'll admit that some days are better then others and some days you wake up in a really good mood. Those are the days I cherish because those are the days I feel like myself more than anything. Those days used to be pretty frequent but lately as I started to overthink every aspect of my life, those days became less and less. Simple things in life do cheer me up, when one of my friends are happy I feel happier knowing that they are.
Love yourself!
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My thoughts on life.
RandomMy thoughts on life. How I think isn't healthy. I want you to love yourself and maybe that makes me hypocritical but always try to love yourself.
