𝗵𝗼𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀. . . park jongseong ✔

four

The pain of a burning heart seemed to welcome me every day. 

And yet I found myself yearning for more. For no matter how much pain, you were the cause of it. The pain you brought me seemed to coil itself around me like a snake around prey. But even then, despite the snake slowly choking me to death, I knew I was in safe arms. For once a snake had caught its prey, it did not let go.

I had considered the possibilities of me being a masochist. The pain was comforting, albeit hurting. Having it any other way was no option that had ever crossed my mind. I did not want it any other way. Hurting or not, I wanted you. 

And you knew that. 

      'Did you sleep?' I asked. 

You opened your mouth to respond. 'I can't.'

      'Lay down with me.'

It was not a question, but no order either. 

I knew of your disease ― and I knew there was no cure. 

Looking up at you, I saw that your attention was elsewhere. Bringing my hand up to your face, I snapped two digits in front of your eyes, trying to direct your attention to me. 

      'There's someone watching me,' you said. 

Feeling my heart stop for a split second, I felt your grip tighten around my hand. There was no one. . . Hallucinations weren't supposed to begin already, they were set for the next month. Four months had yet to pass since you got the disease ― so why now?

      'Haeun―' 

Arms snaking themselves around me, you pulled me closer to you, pressing my body against yours. 

      'Jay? There's no one here.'

      'But I saw '

      'Remember what the doctor said? Paranoia is common.'

You echoed my words. 'Paranoia is common.'

I'm sorry. 

Forgive me. 

I can't help you, and I hate myself for it. 

They say you'd do anything for the person you loved. 

I'm selfish. 

I try not to be. 

Let me take your place. 

Let me die instead of you. 

I'll walk into Hades' arms without hesitation.

Anything for your happiness. 

You deserve a life and I know you think I do too, and perhaps I do, but not everyone is meant to live. 

You're strong, Jongseong. 

You can find happiness without me. 

I fear I can't. 

We're different, that's why we fit together like two puzzle pieces.

But that doesn't mean we're meant to be.

Will you say hi to Persephone for me?