To Want Endlessly [18+]

Chapter Four

It's now Saturday, the day Chandler is meant to take me out. Getting to this point has been quite the task for me. Again, I've called out of work, knowing all my PTO days are just about gone. I can definitely kiss a vacation goodbye this year. Though the biggest struggle has been getting up to shower and not cracking open a new bottle.

So far, I think I'm going through withdrawals since I've decided to lay off the tequila and vodka. Or I'm trying to find something to fight the heartbreak I feel and it seems like alcohol is the only answer.

Sitting on the hardwood floor of my empty living, I wait for any semblance of someone being here. When the honk of his car horn sounds, I pull myself to my feet. I feel more than an ounce of reluctance, though as I think of my vice, I can't help but be excited.

"Hurry up," my cousin shouts as soon as I step out of the door.

I close and lock it behind me, half wondering if I need to. There isn't any shit is my house so what would anybody steal? With a shake of my head, I try my best to push negative thoughts like that away. My cousin is taking me out to have a good time and I shouldn't let my heartbreak cloud this moment and ruin it.

"Why are you in such a rush?" I ask, stepping into the car and taking the passenger's seat. "And where the hell are we going? I hope somewhere with liquor."

Those words come out by accident. I can't seem to hide my true nature and how my heart feels. It seems all the resolve I've built up is now gone with just a few words. All I can think about is getting just a drop of the amber colored liquid.

A silent curse rolls around my head.

A tired sigh leaves the man sitting next to me. Glancing over, I take him in. My cousin is usually the one who's always on my side, through thick and thin. Vice versa too; I'd do anything for him. But I know this is something he can't take. My constant drinking and growing depression is tearing him up inside. He may not say anything or show it, but I know him.

"Yeah, yeah. I know," I mumble, turning to face the window and the passing scenery.

"No, you don't. But I won't say anything else for now. You've already heard everything I need to say. Let's just go out and have a good time." He smiles, raising one eyebrow as if asking if that sounds good to me.

Nodding and returning his smile, I welcome the silence we then lapse into. I let my body relax with the enveloping warmth of Chandler's truck. Laying my head back, I can't help but close my eyes and half doze off to the low radio. It's nothing but background noise, but it's ever so slowly lulling me to sleep.

"We're going to Hidden Desires." Chandler's voice breaks through my haze. Opening my eyes, I raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, and you can call this a premature bachelor's party."

"What the hell are you talking about?" When I look at him, he's glancing back and forth between me and the road.

"Right, Sienna and I are engaged. Have I not disclosed this already?" he asks before turning to the windshield. "Huh, how odd."

All I can do is blink for a moment. This news is a complete bomb drop. Of course, I'm extremely happy for my cousin... no, my brother. While I never expected this to happen so suddenly, I know he deserves to have a loving woman next to him. And the same goes for Sienna.

Slightly, my heart softens. The soft smile on Chandler's face can only be described by something good and positive in his life. At least one of us can be happy. But just like that, the negative emotions rear its ugly head, trying to cloud any semblance of good feelings.

Plastering a smile on my face, I nod. "I'm happy for the two of you. You guys are a match made in heaven. Anyone would be able to tell that just from hearing how you two speak to each other. Congratulations, brother."

We return to silence with a lighter atmosphere in the car.

Soon, we're pulling up outside of a rundown apartment complex. Unless Hidden Desires has downgraded their location, I have no idea why we're here. But clearly, the only logical answer is that we're picking someone up.

"Wait here," Chandler commands before getting out of the car.

"I wasn't planning on getting out." I shake my head as I watch him head up a flight of stairs.

The time feels like a slow motion scene from a movie. Left alone with my thoughts is nothing but trouble. Lacey repeatedly pops up in my mind. Her smile, her touch, everything. Even moments from when we first started dating roll around in my head.

She's just there.

Then there's her on a date with some other man. They hold hands on a table in a cafe. Slowly, they lean up to kiss. It replays in my head like a scene from a horror movie. No matter how hard I try to forget about it, it never goes away.

Bending forward, I grab my head harshly and an ache immediately forms. I yell though it's more of a growl than anything. Until I can properly forget the sight of Lacey and that guy, I just need to get through right now.

It takes some time for Chandler to come back. Behind him walks some guy I sure as hell have never seen before. But right now, he's the least of my worries.

When they get into the car, half hearted introductions are made. I can't remember the guy's name, but he looks more like a kid than anything. I think Chandler mentioned his job so maybe he works for him.

Finally, we reach the strip club. The place was made with the elite in mind. Nothing like swearing to secrecy, but they do take passwords for both the entrance and for the VIP area which is where the girls give their private dances.

This isn't my first time being here and I reckon it might just be what I need.

After the password is given, I walk forward, leaving my company behind. I ignore the dancing girls with barely anything on. Their bedazzled outfits would have normally caught my attention immediately, but not this time. Even as some try to catch my attention, I stick to my destination: the bar. As soon as I sit down, a heavy sigh leaves me. My mouth salivates as I stare at the bottles of alcohol on the shelf behind the bartender.

"What'll you have, sweet thing," the bartender leaves forward, revealing the cleavage of a healthy bosom. Her auburn bangs fall over her eyes, bringing attention to the bright green of them. Perhaps I'd have taken a chance, though Lacey is the only woman I've ever been with.

Shaking my head, I search out what I'm looking for. When found, I can feel the relief pool in my stomach. "Two shots of Tequila and a glass of Hennessy. Give me a couple limes and some salt please," I tell her. Setting my arms on the bar, I ignore the wetness after it's just been wiped down.

"You got it!" She smirks before lining my drinks up.

Licking the back of my hand, I pour some salt then lick that. Bottoms up, I think before throwing back the shots of Tequila.

I already know this is going to be a long night.

*Oof, this chapter is super short. Sorry about that, but I just couldn't draw it out anymore than I already had. Either way, I think this is a good chapter in really conveying Chance's depression and stuff like that. Let me know what you guys think! And don't forget to vote too, please!*